It's been a while. I missed writing stuffs here on my blog. I know I have been gone for quite sometime already and I tend to neglect my obligation for my dear readers (Let's just assume that I have one. *winks*).
To be honest will all of you (Yeah, just bear with me, I know no one would waste their time in my blog), I think I already lost the drive to write some blogs. SO its hard for me to think of something to write. Take for example, right now, as I am typing this post, I already have the gut-feel that this post would mean nothing cause it wont be the same post that I used to have.
I guess, thats what these problems do, lose your touch with your creative self.
:(
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Never Apologize
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."
Thats what I realize for the past few days I've been bed-ridden due to this ailment of mine. I don't know if I realized this thing because I just did, or because my brain's getting big now! He he.
Now, why should I say sorry? After all, that's the truth. A truth that would be so hard to deny. I still have feelings for her. And so what? I'll be keeping that one, at least, I know for my self that I was able to love someone so dearly that I don't care about myself anymore. Unselfishly. Okay, only on my part.
At least, I've been completely honest to Caroline when I told her that I still love Gem, and that my feeling for her (Caroline) is something lesser than that of Gem. At first, I thought we already cleared things out, but I was wrong. In the end, we broke up. Our only connection? Our baby. Nothing more, nothing less.
Now, back with my feelings. I've been thinking, even if I won't pursue Gem, [which, by the way, is what I'm going to do :) ] I'd still continue to enjoy the feeling I am feeling right now, until the time comes that I would be tired and give up. For the meantime, LET THE LOVING FEELING continue!
:)
Thats what I realize for the past few days I've been bed-ridden due to this ailment of mine. I don't know if I realized this thing because I just did, or because my brain's getting big now! He he.
Now, why should I say sorry? After all, that's the truth. A truth that would be so hard to deny. I still have feelings for her. And so what? I'll be keeping that one, at least, I know for my self that I was able to love someone so dearly that I don't care about myself anymore. Unselfishly. Okay, only on my part.
At least, I've been completely honest to Caroline when I told her that I still love Gem, and that my feeling for her (Caroline) is something lesser than that of Gem. At first, I thought we already cleared things out, but I was wrong. In the end, we broke up. Our only connection? Our baby. Nothing more, nothing less.
Now, back with my feelings. I've been thinking, even if I won't pursue Gem, [which, by the way, is what I'm going to do :) ] I'd still continue to enjoy the feeling I am feeling right now, until the time comes that I would be tired and give up. For the meantime, LET THE LOVING FEELING continue!
:)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
LARA (My Love)
Searched this world all over
For that one special girl
Who was looking for love
Not diamonds or pearls
From outta no where
You entered into my life
Like a ray of sunshine
So warm and bright
Touched my heart all over
In a very special way
I never forget that moment
How it carried me away
The times that we shared
Clings to me heart
I knew it was love
Right from the start
Chorus:
I'll love you forever
Forever and more
For all that you gave me
It's you I adore
I'll love you forever
Forever and more
Forever and ever
Forever and more
Things of time have changed
You drifted away
But you left me something
To cherish each day
A passion for life
The courage to be strong
The will to succeed
And a sense I belong
Chorus (x2)
Authors Note:
I can't find a Youtube Video of LARA (MY LOVE), so bear with me with this video. Whoever owns this one, sorry to drag your faces on my blog. Peace out!
Frustrations
There's no windows in this place
for me to show my weary face.
Rage I hold within my soul
at times I cannot control.
What's the point of me being here?
When being me is what I fear.
Every day it's all the same
trapped again in my own pain.
I cry myself to sleep
so many secrets I must keep.
No one to reach me...nobody cares.
Trapped in the middle of a distant stare.
I've prayed that I was free
of this grief that's filling me.
Everywhere I turn
every bridge must burn.
There's no windows in this place
for me to show my weary face.
for me to show my weary face.
Rage I hold within my soul
at times I cannot control.
What's the point of me being here?
When being me is what I fear.
Every day it's all the same
trapped again in my own pain.
I cry myself to sleep
so many secrets I must keep.
No one to reach me...nobody cares.
Trapped in the middle of a distant stare.
I've prayed that I was free
of this grief that's filling me.
Everywhere I turn
every bridge must burn.
There's no windows in this place
for me to show my weary face.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
untitled 2
I wish I can turn back the hands of time, back to the time that everything between us was okay. Everything seems to be in place. Back to the time that even in long silence, feels like a lifetime of conversation. Where there's something that we are looking forward, the long chat that we used to have. The long Voice Conversations we used to have. The Joke, the songs and evrything abput anything with you.
Damn, I miss you.
Damn, I miss you.
Thoughts beyond oblivion
I've been thinking.
1. Ang totoo hanggang ngayon umaasa parin ako na sabihin mong ako parin. Ako na lang. Ako na lang ulit.
2. Hindi mo alam kung gano ko kagustong sabihin sayo na.. Sana tayo na lang.. Tayo nalang ulit. Pero pag sa tuwing mararamdaman ko kung gano kita kamahal, hindi ko maiwasang maramdaman ulit lahat ng sakit..
3. But you're asking for too much. Do you want me out of your life?
I've been thinking, until now, I am hoping that you still love me. That you still want me. Please, tell me that you still do. But I am not sure if I want to tell you that we can still be together. That I hope we can still be together. But everytime I feel how much I love you, I can't help but also feel the pain. When you told me to stop, have'nt you thought that you're asking too much. Do you want me out of your life? Of course you do, you have him, right?
1. Ang totoo hanggang ngayon umaasa parin ako na sabihin mong ako parin. Ako na lang. Ako na lang ulit.
2. Hindi mo alam kung gano ko kagustong sabihin sayo na.. Sana tayo na lang.. Tayo nalang ulit. Pero pag sa tuwing mararamdaman ko kung gano kita kamahal, hindi ko maiwasang maramdaman ulit lahat ng sakit..
3. But you're asking for too much. Do you want me out of your life?
I've been thinking, until now, I am hoping that you still love me. That you still want me. Please, tell me that you still do. But I am not sure if I want to tell you that we can still be together. That I hope we can still be together. But everytime I feel how much I love you, I can't help but also feel the pain. When you told me to stop, have'nt you thought that you're asking too much. Do you want me out of your life? Of course you do, you have him, right?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Bitterest Tears
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
I cry for the time that you were almost mine, I cry for the memories I’ve left behind, I cry for the pain, the lost, the old the new, I cry for the times I thought I had you.
Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can’t always see the pain someone feels. What’s the sense of wishing for something when I always just wish it away?
Every night I talk to the stars pretending its you.. it acts just like you do.. Far away and never replies to my questions.
Why do people tell you to believe in what you want to but then tell you not to believe in the one true thing you do believe in?
Times a precious thing to waste, but friends are more precious
The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil.
The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.
Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words.
I cry for the time that you were almost mine, I cry for the memories I’ve left behind, I cry for the pain, the lost, the old the new, I cry for the times I thought I had you.
Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can’t always see the pain someone feels. What’s the sense of wishing for something when I always just wish it away?
Every night I talk to the stars pretending its you.. it acts just like you do.. Far away and never replies to my questions.
Why do people tell you to believe in what you want to but then tell you not to believe in the one true thing you do believe in?
Times a precious thing to waste, but friends are more precious
The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil.
The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.
Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
It ends tonight
This happen just now. I think I was too comfortable posting messages at her wall. To the point that I didn;t think of anyone. That someone might get hurt or something. That I'm causing some trouble to their relationship. All I thought was that evrything was okay already. That there was nothing to worry about. But I guess, I've been lenient too much.
[My mind is totaly blank. I'm out of words. And what the heck is this tears for? Why do I all of a sudden felt sadness and pain? Was I hurt when she told me to control posting in her wall? I think I am. The tears prove me right. I AM HURT]
[My mind is totaly blank. I'm out of words. And what the heck is this tears for? Why do I all of a sudden felt sadness and pain? Was I hurt when she told me to control posting in her wall? I think I am. The tears prove me right. I AM HURT]
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Untitled
i must admit i am letting the world drown me. the busy people, the cool pictures, the seemingly idealistic points of view (some of which i don't understand even, i feel stupid then), the mountains of joyous hi's, hello's and many more...everyone's in ecstasy or at least, everyone has the ability to show happiness...i, on the other hand, JUST CAN'T do so.. .4 hours ago clear it has gotten so extreme...i get easily distracted and now i get easily afraid...taking baby steps to move on - i've had enough of that. i need a little shortcut. m spoiling the pain that much and i shouldn't wait until it completely eats the entire of me...
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Endless Night
I can see no paths that can lead me forward in the darkness with my lonely heart. In darkness without your heart near mine. The night can be so very long, when I can see no light from the sky. The more I look around, the more I become afraid, of the night that has yet to pass. Is there any other way to go? I know the sun will shine tomorrow. When we are in the new morning, I hope that we will find the way, or my heart will be in the endless night.
Of the night that has yet to pass, is there any other way to go? I know the sun will shine tomorrow. When we are in the new morning, I hope that we will find the way. When the sorrows of the yesterdays, come crashing on my lonely heart. The reason that I lost our love is because I neglected the needs of both our hearts. My suffering became an endless night, but it will soon come to pass. AS long as time goes by, so will my sorrow. Because the thought of our love means there is no endless night. When we are in the new morning, we'll find a way from this endless night.
Of the night that has yet to pass, is there any other way to go? I know the sun will shine tomorrow. When we are in the new morning, I hope that we will find the way. When the sorrows of the yesterdays, come crashing on my lonely heart. The reason that I lost our love is because I neglected the needs of both our hearts. My suffering became an endless night, but it will soon come to pass. AS long as time goes by, so will my sorrow. Because the thought of our love means there is no endless night. When we are in the new morning, we'll find a way from this endless night.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
two cents on optimism.
people need inspiration. that's what i think this world lacks.
inspiration doesn't solely pertain to romanticism and all that over-rated crap going around lately. if anything, that's a misnomer i'd like to deal with in a different entry. right now, all i'm saying is that people just need something to look forward to. something to work on. something to tell them that what they're doing or what they are is part of a greater and bigger and grander picture that we all have a stake in. that's the grand and boisterous idea. but on a more personal note, i think we all need to be inspirations to our own selves. vain. i know. if you think about it though, it makes perfect sense.
no one knows you better than you do. which makes it perfectly sensical to make yourself be something or someone that you'd like to be. confusing. very.
think about this. you have to tell yourself what you want to be. what you want to achieve. what will make you happy. you tell yourself this and you make it happen. how? you tell the whole world. announce. renounce. emphasize!
i've lately realized that we've all been tethered down by a crazy idea called settling. settling happens when we have expectations. good ones. good expectations. over the weeks, months, years, or decades, we familiarize and internalize these expectations. and in time - in good time - we reach it. and then we forget, there are better ones. i've recently told myself, never let the good things make you forget about the better things in life. and when you're in that stage where you tell yourself what you want, why would you want to like the good things when the better and the best things are up for the taking? at least as far as you hoping for it is concerned. aim high. work for it. and then see what happens!
knowing and aiming for the best is just one part of it. letting the whole world know about it plays a key role. if you have only yourself to answer to, there's much less at stake. raise the bar. make yourself the underdog. put up circumstances between you and what you want to achieve. set up walls. call them all out. and once the stage is set, you do your thing. you frazzle them with your utter brilliance and you realize, god damn it, i'm friggin' good at this! you shine the most in the darkest of times. and unless you make your stage pitch black, you won't make yourself shine the brightest.
air it out. voice it. optimism needs a voice to make things happen. enter the room at its darkest and then blow it away with how you'll make it work. all this made possible by making sure you aimed high first.
i know i'm not making sense right now. and i know i'm sounding like some optimistic hoot high on crack. but unless you say it out loud, you have nothing to work on.
i'll read this three years from now and i'll think, "good ryan, good. good you aired that one out."
:D
inspiration doesn't solely pertain to romanticism and all that over-rated crap going around lately. if anything, that's a misnomer i'd like to deal with in a different entry. right now, all i'm saying is that people just need something to look forward to. something to work on. something to tell them that what they're doing or what they are is part of a greater and bigger and grander picture that we all have a stake in. that's the grand and boisterous idea. but on a more personal note, i think we all need to be inspirations to our own selves. vain. i know. if you think about it though, it makes perfect sense.
no one knows you better than you do. which makes it perfectly sensical to make yourself be something or someone that you'd like to be. confusing. very.
think about this. you have to tell yourself what you want to be. what you want to achieve. what will make you happy. you tell yourself this and you make it happen. how? you tell the whole world. announce. renounce. emphasize!
i've lately realized that we've all been tethered down by a crazy idea called settling. settling happens when we have expectations. good ones. good expectations. over the weeks, months, years, or decades, we familiarize and internalize these expectations. and in time - in good time - we reach it. and then we forget, there are better ones. i've recently told myself, never let the good things make you forget about the better things in life. and when you're in that stage where you tell yourself what you want, why would you want to like the good things when the better and the best things are up for the taking? at least as far as you hoping for it is concerned. aim high. work for it. and then see what happens!
knowing and aiming for the best is just one part of it. letting the whole world know about it plays a key role. if you have only yourself to answer to, there's much less at stake. raise the bar. make yourself the underdog. put up circumstances between you and what you want to achieve. set up walls. call them all out. and once the stage is set, you do your thing. you frazzle them with your utter brilliance and you realize, god damn it, i'm friggin' good at this! you shine the most in the darkest of times. and unless you make your stage pitch black, you won't make yourself shine the brightest.
air it out. voice it. optimism needs a voice to make things happen. enter the room at its darkest and then blow it away with how you'll make it work. all this made possible by making sure you aimed high first.
i know i'm not making sense right now. and i know i'm sounding like some optimistic hoot high on crack. but unless you say it out loud, you have nothing to work on.
i'll read this three years from now and i'll think, "good ryan, good. good you aired that one out."
:D
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Status Update
after the break-up, umasa ako na itetext niya ko, na susuyuin niya ko, na magpaparamdam siya sakin, na makikipagbalikan siya sakin, naghintay ako na gawin niya yun, pero walang ganun na nangyari... MAHAL NA MAHAL KO SIYA, pero siguro nga hindi kami para sa isa't-isa, so, i really have to let go! though it hurts, i need to... i just wish the happiness for the both of us... and I WILL MOVE ON AND ENJOY AGAIN MY LIFE...
Thursday, August 12, 2010
An ode to what will soon be the used-to-be me
feel an imminent death of self.
before that finally happens, i feel as though i owe it to myself to write a will. i need to remind myself of how i or life, for that matter, felt before the jump. i need to remember how i used to be before i take the leap into what i will now refer to as my self-imposed and self-beckoned doom of sorts.
no, i am not suicidal (nor will i ever be). i've been known, however, to get myself into dodgy situations i've uncannily gotten myself into. ridiculously complicated scenarios that have twisted itself inside out. yes, if a person got a stamp on the forehead every time he fucks his own life, i probably have a glaringly red forehead by now. it's not completely a bad thing, if you ask me. my insatiable desire for drama and irrational pull towards complicity bring me to moments like this. simplicity and boredom is death for me. and instead of subjecting myself to these, i'd rather die by my own rules. i'd rather drown myself with complications than lull myself to nullity.
i ask for things. scratch that. i beg for things. and knowing how life has an odd delayed sense of timing, everything seems to come all at the same time later on. and when boredom has trained you to rant and beg for something to do every single time, chances are, when the things you're asking for come, they'll pour. a fucking downpour. and before you know it, you're regretting every moment you begged for it. moderation is the key. but i never learned my way through life's keys.
okay. so it's gotten gruesome. my point is, i am seeing an impending death of my new found free-spirited, good-vibed self. and while i still can, i'll remind me of the things that have given me the chance to be the better me. better is, of course, questionable and relative. but knowing the self of two years ago i'm using as a reference, you'll most probably agree that better is a wise choice of word.
it's taken me a while to finally internalize an optimistic go-getting outlook in life. the world is for my taking, i always believe. it's that stage in life when you feel as though nothing is insurmountable. the world conspires when you tell it what must happen. and optimism needs a voice to make these things happen. for a while, the voice has been echoing loud and clear. it made things happen so much that i've rendered myself bored. now i have a chance to get things rolling once again. but at the expense of losing myself. my better-equipped, well-informed self. and before that happens, i'll take this chance to write down everything i'll be walking away from. all the gv-principles that have gotten me through every single day the past half year.
an ode to what will soon be the used-to-be me, if you may.
good and positive vibes attract good things to happen. the more you think about the worst case scenario, the more you're building yourself up for failure. harboring negative feelings bring you nothing more than exactly just that. thinking of how things can work can be so much more fulfilling than thinking of why it will not. it takes more unnecessary waste of emotion to figure out why it will not work.
know the goal. believe in the goal. announce the goal. then reach the goal! self-confidence is one motherfucker force to reckon with. and when you got this working to your advantage, in no time, you got yourself mobilized inch by inch closer to what you're working on. the secret is not to keep it a secret! when you take an indefinite amount of time on something not knowing what this will give you, you'll never find out what it really will! know it in the beginning and work towards it! walking towards point A and knowing where it is is better than finding out where point A is five years later. get what i mean?
don't let the good things stop you from getting to the better things. stopping now only gives you the benefits of today. but if you live for tomorrow, you'll get to the better things you didn't think existed. know little, get little. think big, achiever big. if you can't even dream of the bigger things, how can you even make the small things happen?
fear is not the absence of courage but the presence of a situation that beckons for courage. you're never too little for anything. you'll never get yourself in a situation that will be bigger than what you can ever handle. tough situations aren't thrown your way to cripple you and leave you disheartened. take it as a challenge to take every breath in and face the situation full force on. bigger shoes to fill in asks for growth. not for another person to fill them in.
someday is a dangerous word. it's like a code name to never. have an end in mind. it's easier than aimlessly walking to nowhere til god-knows-when.
remember these things ryan. remember them. you'll need it once across the fence.
tough luck. but good luck.
before that finally happens, i feel as though i owe it to myself to write a will. i need to remind myself of how i or life, for that matter, felt before the jump. i need to remember how i used to be before i take the leap into what i will now refer to as my self-imposed and self-beckoned doom of sorts.
no, i am not suicidal (nor will i ever be). i've been known, however, to get myself into dodgy situations i've uncannily gotten myself into. ridiculously complicated scenarios that have twisted itself inside out. yes, if a person got a stamp on the forehead every time he fucks his own life, i probably have a glaringly red forehead by now. it's not completely a bad thing, if you ask me. my insatiable desire for drama and irrational pull towards complicity bring me to moments like this. simplicity and boredom is death for me. and instead of subjecting myself to these, i'd rather die by my own rules. i'd rather drown myself with complications than lull myself to nullity.
i ask for things. scratch that. i beg for things. and knowing how life has an odd delayed sense of timing, everything seems to come all at the same time later on. and when boredom has trained you to rant and beg for something to do every single time, chances are, when the things you're asking for come, they'll pour. a fucking downpour. and before you know it, you're regretting every moment you begged for it. moderation is the key. but i never learned my way through life's keys.
okay. so it's gotten gruesome. my point is, i am seeing an impending death of my new found free-spirited, good-vibed self. and while i still can, i'll remind me of the things that have given me the chance to be the better me. better is, of course, questionable and relative. but knowing the self of two years ago i'm using as a reference, you'll most probably agree that better is a wise choice of word.
it's taken me a while to finally internalize an optimistic go-getting outlook in life. the world is for my taking, i always believe. it's that stage in life when you feel as though nothing is insurmountable. the world conspires when you tell it what must happen. and optimism needs a voice to make these things happen. for a while, the voice has been echoing loud and clear. it made things happen so much that i've rendered myself bored. now i have a chance to get things rolling once again. but at the expense of losing myself. my better-equipped, well-informed self. and before that happens, i'll take this chance to write down everything i'll be walking away from. all the gv-principles that have gotten me through every single day the past half year.
an ode to what will soon be the used-to-be me, if you may.
good and positive vibes attract good things to happen. the more you think about the worst case scenario, the more you're building yourself up for failure. harboring negative feelings bring you nothing more than exactly just that. thinking of how things can work can be so much more fulfilling than thinking of why it will not. it takes more unnecessary waste of emotion to figure out why it will not work.
know the goal. believe in the goal. announce the goal. then reach the goal! self-confidence is one motherfucker force to reckon with. and when you got this working to your advantage, in no time, you got yourself mobilized inch by inch closer to what you're working on. the secret is not to keep it a secret! when you take an indefinite amount of time on something not knowing what this will give you, you'll never find out what it really will! know it in the beginning and work towards it! walking towards point A and knowing where it is is better than finding out where point A is five years later. get what i mean?
don't let the good things stop you from getting to the better things. stopping now only gives you the benefits of today. but if you live for tomorrow, you'll get to the better things you didn't think existed. know little, get little. think big, achiever big. if you can't even dream of the bigger things, how can you even make the small things happen?
fear is not the absence of courage but the presence of a situation that beckons for courage. you're never too little for anything. you'll never get yourself in a situation that will be bigger than what you can ever handle. tough situations aren't thrown your way to cripple you and leave you disheartened. take it as a challenge to take every breath in and face the situation full force on. bigger shoes to fill in asks for growth. not for another person to fill them in.
someday is a dangerous word. it's like a code name to never. have an end in mind. it's easier than aimlessly walking to nowhere til god-knows-when.
remember these things ryan. remember them. you'll need it once across the fence.
tough luck. but good luck.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Close to my Heart
Why does it happen this way
so many emotions inside me
floating far and away
Someone I loved so dearly
Is always close to my heart
I can see you clearly
but our tie was torn apart
I will love you forever
even though our time is through
But I will always remember
the time I spent with you
so many emotions inside me
floating far and away
Someone I loved so dearly
Is always close to my heart
I can see you clearly
but our tie was torn apart
I will love you forever
even though our time is through
But I will always remember
the time I spent with you
Twice Dying
There's no sense of me staying here in the Philippines. I can see that she's really moved on and that she's happy with her life now. I know I've been talking too much of moving on already. I already told you, my avid reader [if I have one], that I will finally start moving on with my life with Caroline and our baby, Carole Gemina. But I just can't help myself from looking back at the once true love that I felt from her.
When Caroline and I talked about our situation, our relationship, I was completely honest with my feelings for her and Ching. ANd she knew that it would be hard for me to totally forget about Ching. SHe meant everything to me. But now, she's everything for another guy.
I wanted to talk to her, give her a surprise visit, the hell with his parents if they ask who am I, all I want to do is to talk to her and tell her all about my feelings.
But for the past few weeks since May, when I started camping round their house, I often see the two of them, so happy and in love, I can't help but envy Jek cause he's with her. He's happy with her.
Now, as I finally await my plane bound to HongKong for my connecting flight to Switzerland, I just can't help but think of her. But I must, really and with all honesty, start to move on. She already love him, I know cause I had just read her blog and it really hurts knowing your one true love found a new love from another. It really hurts to the point that I really don't know what to do or say. It took me awhile before I finally gathered my mind and start typing.
For those who wonders how hurt I am, try imagining yourself falling from a 10 storey high building but ending up alive. That's how painful I am feeling right now.
When I arrived at Lausanne, I must start moving on. Go on with my New life without Ching at my side and only with my fiance and daughter to think of. I already cause Caroline too much pain, that I now finally know after feeling the same with Ching, and I don't want to cause her more.
This might be my last post, cause this blog exist just to give way for my thoughts about my precious Dark Angel. But now, my Dark Angel found her new light.
When Caroline and I talked about our situation, our relationship, I was completely honest with my feelings for her and Ching. ANd she knew that it would be hard for me to totally forget about Ching. SHe meant everything to me. But now, she's everything for another guy.
I wanted to talk to her, give her a surprise visit, the hell with his parents if they ask who am I, all I want to do is to talk to her and tell her all about my feelings.
But for the past few weeks since May, when I started camping round their house, I often see the two of them, so happy and in love, I can't help but envy Jek cause he's with her. He's happy with her.
Now, as I finally await my plane bound to HongKong for my connecting flight to Switzerland, I just can't help but think of her. But I must, really and with all honesty, start to move on. She already love him, I know cause I had just read her blog and it really hurts knowing your one true love found a new love from another. It really hurts to the point that I really don't know what to do or say. It took me awhile before I finally gathered my mind and start typing.
For those who wonders how hurt I am, try imagining yourself falling from a 10 storey high building but ending up alive. That's how painful I am feeling right now.
When I arrived at Lausanne, I must start moving on. Go on with my New life without Ching at my side and only with my fiance and daughter to think of. I already cause Caroline too much pain, that I now finally know after feeling the same with Ching, and I don't want to cause her more.
This might be my last post, cause this blog exist just to give way for my thoughts about my precious Dark Angel. But now, my Dark Angel found her new light.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Thunder and Lightning
Lightning is an atmospheric discharge of electricity accompanied by thunder, which typically occurs during thunderstorms, and sometimes during volcanic eruptions or dust storms.[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightning]
After a few weeks of severe heat, Rain, accompanied by thunderous and monster lightning, finally arrived here in the Bicol Reagion. It just feel so good to be back in the good old days of playing under the rain with my cousins. I enjoyed playing while being soaked by the rain.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Collection of Poem
Here are some poems i wrote last night. Can't believe I was able to write all of this in just an hour.
POEM 1:
A Hopeless Love
My tears are flowing
Your words are stinging
My souls in pain
My ears are ringing
I wanna die
I want to scream
This is a nightmare
No longer a dream
Your voice I long to hear
Your face I long to see
I only want your love
With you I long to be
But I know our love is hopeless
So my tears run down my face
I think of you every moment
But my heart is shattered all over the place.
The moon is no longer shining
Why don't you feel the same?
Its rays are quickly fading
My love will never change…
POEM 2:
I Don't Remember
I don't remember betraying you -
You act as if you lost a friend.
I don't wanna lose you -
I'll love you in Christ until the end.
I don't remember betraying you -
Please tell me what I've done.
I'm remembering all the memories -
And all the outrageous fun.
I don't remember betraying you -
I'm crying in despair.
I told you how much I respect you -
I've told you how much I care.
Don't treat me as a memory -
Fading into the blue.
In all honesty and sincerity -
I don't remember betraying you
POEM 3:
LOVING IN SILENCE
All the happy moments of ours are already gone
But only pain that was left in my heart.
I stopped myself from loving and
I stopped my life from moving.
But I was not that strong
Falling inLove with you
Though I know in your dreams
Its not me you're holding.
I tried to stop this feeling
But your memories keep lingering
I know that there's nothing a head of these
For all those things are merely illusions.
...So, I rather Love You in Silence..!!!!?
POEM 4:
Dark Life
Defeated, I walked through that path,
Where the place has a cold shaft,
This is not where I'm supposed to be,
Where I could set my spirits free.
How I wished that I coulld turn back the hands of time,
Like a full grown tree,
Just about as big as a seed,
I sighed to myself,
Where are my friends when I'm in need?
Sadly, I hid,
Inside the shadows I sleep.
The nights are not with stars and moon,
It is just like my feelings-sad and gloom,
I feel my body is tied to the guards of doom,
The pain sending me down to my crushed heart.
Every step I take,
I feel my neck would strain,
My body couldn't feel more worse with the terrible pain,
Couldn't anybody help me?
Can't anybody see?
All the overwhelmed feelings inside my heart?
It's driving me insane,
If this is the start,
I will fight hard,
I will hold on to my prayers,
Deep inside my thoughts.
POEM 5:
I Dream a Dream
Walking along a dusty road,
the night is dark and cold,
no stars in the sky,
no moon rising above me.
All alone with no one around,
no light ahead, no houses in the distance,
no one to take me from this awful place,
I walk alone on this fark path.
As i walk, the wind blows, and I dream,
I dream a dream of happiness,
A dream of light ahead, of a moon rising,
A dream of stars twinkling in the sky.
A dream of no hoplessness or pain,
lonelyness or uglyness
A dream od birds chirping in the morning
or cyotes howling at night.
I trip over a rock and fall,
and fall and fall and fall,
it feels like i'm falling forever,
into a bottemless pit, where pain lasts.
Until I hit the ground hard,
As i lie there i think,
Is there really such a place?
A place where no one abandons you?
A place where you can laugh,
whre you can sing and dance,
and just be happy.
Its a silly dream, theres no such thing.
For the rest of eternity I will walk,
walk alone on this dark cold road,
waiting, wondering if a car will come,
come and take me to that dream.
POEM 1:
A Hopeless Love
My tears are flowing
Your words are stinging
My souls in pain
My ears are ringing
I wanna die
I want to scream
This is a nightmare
No longer a dream
Your voice I long to hear
Your face I long to see
I only want your love
With you I long to be
But I know our love is hopeless
So my tears run down my face
I think of you every moment
But my heart is shattered all over the place.
The moon is no longer shining
Why don't you feel the same?
Its rays are quickly fading
My love will never change…
POEM 2:
I Don't Remember
I don't remember betraying you -
You act as if you lost a friend.
I don't wanna lose you -
I'll love you in Christ until the end.
I don't remember betraying you -
Please tell me what I've done.
I'm remembering all the memories -
And all the outrageous fun.
I don't remember betraying you -
I'm crying in despair.
I told you how much I respect you -
I've told you how much I care.
Don't treat me as a memory -
Fading into the blue.
In all honesty and sincerity -
I don't remember betraying you
POEM 3:
LOVING IN SILENCE
All the happy moments of ours are already gone
But only pain that was left in my heart.
I stopped myself from loving and
I stopped my life from moving.
But I was not that strong
Falling inLove with you
Though I know in your dreams
Its not me you're holding.
I tried to stop this feeling
But your memories keep lingering
I know that there's nothing a head of these
For all those things are merely illusions.
...So, I rather Love You in Silence..!!!!?
POEM 4:
Dark Life
Defeated, I walked through that path,
Where the place has a cold shaft,
This is not where I'm supposed to be,
Where I could set my spirits free.
How I wished that I coulld turn back the hands of time,
Like a full grown tree,
Just about as big as a seed,
I sighed to myself,
Where are my friends when I'm in need?
Sadly, I hid,
Inside the shadows I sleep.
The nights are not with stars and moon,
It is just like my feelings-sad and gloom,
I feel my body is tied to the guards of doom,
The pain sending me down to my crushed heart.
Every step I take,
I feel my neck would strain,
My body couldn't feel more worse with the terrible pain,
Couldn't anybody help me?
Can't anybody see?
All the overwhelmed feelings inside my heart?
It's driving me insane,
If this is the start,
I will fight hard,
I will hold on to my prayers,
Deep inside my thoughts.
POEM 5:
I Dream a Dream
Walking along a dusty road,
the night is dark and cold,
no stars in the sky,
no moon rising above me.
All alone with no one around,
no light ahead, no houses in the distance,
no one to take me from this awful place,
I walk alone on this fark path.
As i walk, the wind blows, and I dream,
I dream a dream of happiness,
A dream of light ahead, of a moon rising,
A dream of stars twinkling in the sky.
A dream of no hoplessness or pain,
lonelyness or uglyness
A dream od birds chirping in the morning
or cyotes howling at night.
I trip over a rock and fall,
and fall and fall and fall,
it feels like i'm falling forever,
into a bottemless pit, where pain lasts.
Until I hit the ground hard,
As i lie there i think,
Is there really such a place?
A place where no one abandons you?
A place where you can laugh,
whre you can sing and dance,
and just be happy.
Its a silly dream, theres no such thing.
For the rest of eternity I will walk,
walk alone on this dark cold road,
waiting, wondering if a car will come,
come and take me to that dream.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Di Lang Ikaw (It's not just you)
I've been looking for some songs and MYMP from the Philippines was first on my list.
MYMP, or Make Your Mama Proud, is an Acoustic Due from the Philippines and their music always reaches a spot in various countdowns.
But sadly, i just learned that the duo was disbanded and both has its own separate career now.
Juris, the vocalist of the duo released an album and one of her songs really got my attention.
Its about facing the pain of break-ups and losing the one you love. That its not just the other one who's in pain, but also the singer.
Just listen for my MP3 player cause I included it on my list.
MYMP, or Make Your Mama Proud, is an Acoustic Due from the Philippines and their music always reaches a spot in various countdowns.
But sadly, i just learned that the duo was disbanded and both has its own separate career now.
Juris, the vocalist of the duo released an album and one of her songs really got my attention.
Its about facing the pain of break-ups and losing the one you love. That its not just the other one who's in pain, but also the singer.
Just listen for my MP3 player cause I included it on my list.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Remove Connections
I removed my connections with them so I won't get any update.
She already moved on, and so should I!
Hope this can help!
She already moved on, and so should I!
Hope this can help!
Its a fact that I am Stubborn
I am stubborn! That what I know!
I know I am being hurt by his presence, and yet, here I am, trying to be cool but I know that I really look like a fool and a complete IDIOT!
DARN!
Why can't I just start to totally forget about her? Why can't I get her rid of my mind! I still have some sleepless nights thinking about her. There even came a time that I wanted to visit her school just for the hope of seeing her there, evengthough I know it would be impossible. At first I thought I can't resist the temptation of looking for her when I know I'm just a few kilometers away from Naga.
Now, here I am, so destraught after seeing their picture. It so freaking hurt and I didn't even noticed that I cried. Even upto now, tears still falling from my eyes. But I guess I cannot blame you. I cannot blame you to fall to someone else, after what I have done. After the pain and tears that I caused you. After breaking my promise. My promise to be your strength, your hope and to keep you faith when you think its starting to subside. My promise that you'll never be hurt anymore, that I'll give you my word, my heart. That I will take you in my arm and hold you tight and feel my love. BUt all of it I failed to fulfill.
I cannot blame you. I know, I have no right to blame you.
I know that I don't cause I know for a fact that I am stubborn!
I know I am being hurt by his presence, and yet, here I am, trying to be cool but I know that I really look like a fool and a complete IDIOT!
DARN!
Why can't I just start to totally forget about her? Why can't I get her rid of my mind! I still have some sleepless nights thinking about her. There even came a time that I wanted to visit her school just for the hope of seeing her there, evengthough I know it would be impossible. At first I thought I can't resist the temptation of looking for her when I know I'm just a few kilometers away from Naga.
Now, here I am, so destraught after seeing their picture. It so freaking hurt and I didn't even noticed that I cried. Even upto now, tears still falling from my eyes. But I guess I cannot blame you. I cannot blame you to fall to someone else, after what I have done. After the pain and tears that I caused you. After breaking my promise. My promise to be your strength, your hope and to keep you faith when you think its starting to subside. My promise that you'll never be hurt anymore, that I'll give you my word, my heart. That I will take you in my arm and hold you tight and feel my love. BUt all of it I failed to fulfill.
I cannot blame you. I know, I have no right to blame you.
I know that I don't cause I know for a fact that I am stubborn!
Monday, May 31, 2010
LOVE
It hurts to love someone and not loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never finding the courage to let the person know how you feel. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person we should know how to be grateful for that gift.
Love is when you take away the feeling the passion, the romance and you find out you still care for that person. A sad thing about love is when you meet someone that means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. When one door of happiness closes, another open but often we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us
Its true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lost it but its also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they’ll love you back.
Don’t expect love in return just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn’t, be content it grew in yours. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy me gift.
Always put yourself in others shoes, if you feel that it hurts you it probably hurts the person too. A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck the life, a timely word may level stress and a loving word may heal and bless.
The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them with our own image otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past, failures and heartache.
There are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person from whom you would like to hear it but don’t be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart. Never say goodbye when you still feel you can take it but never say you don’t love that person anymore when you can’t let go. Loves comes to those who still hopes even though they’ve been disappointed. To those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed. Need to love those who still love even though they’ve been hurt.
It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone
Don’t go for looks it can deceive, don’t go for wealth even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright (Hope you find that person). There are moments in life when you really miss someone that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be because you have only one life
And one chance to do all the things you want in life
Sometimes Love is so Unfair... The more you SACRIFICE, the more you get HURT and when you feel you have given your BEST, still not ENOUGH until such time you had no choice but to GIVE UP... A KISS is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become unnecessary. Juz be sure that those lips will only kiss the person whom you truly LOVE and CARE about... Be CAREFUL to whom you give your HEART to coz when you give your HEART to someone, you are not only giving that person the right to LOVE you, but the power to HURT you... Let LOVE be the guide to your DREAMS. Let LOVE be the light to your HEART and let your LOVE be the reason for someone elses HEART still continue to BEAT... LOVING is not about HUGGING someone, not about KISSING their LIPS or HOLDING their HANDS but about PLACING them and KEEPING them in your THOUGHTS and in your HEART...
by: Anonymous
Love is when you take away the feeling the passion, the romance and you find out you still care for that person. A sad thing about love is when you meet someone that means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. When one door of happiness closes, another open but often we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us
Its true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lost it but its also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they’ll love you back.
Don’t expect love in return just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn’t, be content it grew in yours. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy me gift.
Always put yourself in others shoes, if you feel that it hurts you it probably hurts the person too. A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck the life, a timely word may level stress and a loving word may heal and bless.
The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them with our own image otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past, failures and heartache.
There are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person from whom you would like to hear it but don’t be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart. Never say goodbye when you still feel you can take it but never say you don’t love that person anymore when you can’t let go. Loves comes to those who still hopes even though they’ve been disappointed. To those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed. Need to love those who still love even though they’ve been hurt.
It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone
Don’t go for looks it can deceive, don’t go for wealth even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright (Hope you find that person). There are moments in life when you really miss someone that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be because you have only one life
And one chance to do all the things you want in life
Sometimes Love is so Unfair... The more you SACRIFICE, the more you get HURT and when you feel you have given your BEST, still not ENOUGH until such time you had no choice but to GIVE UP... A KISS is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become unnecessary. Juz be sure that those lips will only kiss the person whom you truly LOVE and CARE about... Be CAREFUL to whom you give your HEART to coz when you give your HEART to someone, you are not only giving that person the right to LOVE you, but the power to HURT you... Let LOVE be the guide to your DREAMS. Let LOVE be the light to your HEART and let your LOVE be the reason for someone elses HEART still continue to BEAT... LOVING is not about HUGGING someone, not about KISSING their LIPS or HOLDING their HANDS but about PLACING them and KEEPING them in your THOUGHTS and in your HEART...
by: Anonymous
Friday, May 21, 2010
Denmark Sevilla is the best joker
Okay, I just can't help myself and I think I have to post this up!
DM (Denmark) were stucked with Mighty Bond! LOL
Story: He was trying to glue his Nike shoes when the glue went out of control and poured a lot of Mighty Bond glue! He panicked, he immediately wiped it with a rag and if he's really not so stupid, the rag were glued at his hand! Now he's stucked with the rag!
LOL
DM (Denmark) were stucked with Mighty Bond! LOL
Story: He was trying to glue his Nike shoes when the glue went out of control and poured a lot of Mighty Bond glue! He panicked, he immediately wiped it with a rag and if he's really not so stupid, the rag were glued at his hand! Now he's stucked with the rag!
LOL
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I was so tired yesterday.Jae Ha and I joined the procession for the 99th year of Lady Aurora, Kuya J's ancestral image of Mary. Anyway, my brother, Caroline and I were so tired that right after the socials, went straight to our room to rest.
Carole gave me a massage and that helped me fall asleep. If its not yet enough, the following day, I woke up with breakfast served on our table with a note.
the note read as follow:
JAE,
Love of my life.
All I can say is thank you, thank you for the patience, thank you for everything. I am satisfied because what we have cannot be bought by money nor power. So many sacrifices. You risked everything. You didn't care if we hurt other peoples feelings thinking that you're doing the best for them. I know you had been through a lot, and I would like to say thank you for opening your heart and your self to me. With all those that you've been through, here I am, at your side and so happy that we're starting to go strong. Though we started with some problems with our parents, friends, and family, now I can say that everythings fallen into palces now. They had been very supportive especially your brother. A lot had tried to break us apart. But whose laughing now? Now our love has grown and grown everyday I still believe until we are in our next lives we will still love each other, no matter what.
As long as you need me...
I'm very proud of what I am right now. I have been through many tough times but I'm proud to say that I was able to save myself and be who I am right what I wanted me to be. Exactly who am I? I'm just your average girl. Not too smart nor too strong. I may not even be an equal to her, I get easily get hurt but then I know I'm strong enough to face whatever challenges that can come ahead of me. I couldn't ask for more. My family is just the most supportive people in the world. Not just my family but OUR family.
I love you Jae Fen, with all my heart.
Love,
Caroline
Sweet right?
:D
Carole gave me a massage and that helped me fall asleep. If its not yet enough, the following day, I woke up with breakfast served on our table with a note.
the note read as follow:
JAE,
Love of my life.
All I can say is thank you, thank you for the patience, thank you for everything. I am satisfied because what we have cannot be bought by money nor power. So many sacrifices. You risked everything. You didn't care if we hurt other peoples feelings thinking that you're doing the best for them. I know you had been through a lot, and I would like to say thank you for opening your heart and your self to me. With all those that you've been through, here I am, at your side and so happy that we're starting to go strong. Though we started with some problems with our parents, friends, and family, now I can say that everythings fallen into palces now. They had been very supportive especially your brother. A lot had tried to break us apart. But whose laughing now? Now our love has grown and grown everyday I still believe until we are in our next lives we will still love each other, no matter what.
As long as you need me...
I'm very proud of what I am right now. I have been through many tough times but I'm proud to say that I was able to save myself and be who I am right what I wanted me to be. Exactly who am I? I'm just your average girl. Not too smart nor too strong. I may not even be an equal to her, I get easily get hurt but then I know I'm strong enough to face whatever challenges that can come ahead of me. I couldn't ask for more. My family is just the most supportive people in the world. Not just my family but OUR family.
I love you Jae Fen, with all my heart.
Love,
Caroline
Sweet right?
:D
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Been a while
Its been a while since I last posted something here in my blog. So here I am, typing everything that's in my mind.
Aside from being a proud soon-to-be papa, I am very much in the process of learning to love Carole. She's so sweet, kind and caring that everyman would want for a wife.
The other night, the two of us talk at her apartment at Buckingham Gate, Westminster. Its was a serious one cause we've talked about our relationship. I know that she's not into other guys, cause she already told me that when our parents agreed about the marriage, she was, somewhat, excited and pleased cause she admitted that she liked me even before we were just friends. So there's no problem on her part.
Obviously, its me who hasn't been into her. I really didn't feel anything for her from the start. I've been very honest with my feelings the moment I learned about the agreement. She said that she can't equal the love Ching gave me. Nor she can't expect the same love I gave to Ching, but at least its worth the try.
We tried living together for six months in China, then we finally decided to finally separate to continue our studies. I went to Switzerland while she went to London. Though were not in the same school or country, at least we're in the same continent.
At first I thought I can live with it. It was a good thing for me back then. But only weeks after we separated, I must admit, I started to miss her. Then It turned to weeks and months, and with each passing day, I am starting to miss her more and more. Until the time came that I can't help it and I followed her to London two months ago.
There, we spent the whole week together. We visited places that we wanted to visit. We went to Kings Cross Station, then at Buckingham and a few more. We spent quality time with each other. That was the first time that I really enjoyed spending my time with her. Eventhough there's this dull moments that we were really silent, it feels like those silence already mean a year of conversation. It feels like we had talked so much about ourselves and finally, got the chance to fully understand each other.
Then, that was the time that we had finally explored each other, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I won't tell you the details, but surely, it was a night to remember. ;)
From then on, I must say that I really had fallen for her.
Or so I thought. Everything was okay, not until that Ching came back into the picture.
Aside from being a proud soon-to-be papa, I am very much in the process of learning to love Carole. She's so sweet, kind and caring that everyman would want for a wife.
The other night, the two of us talk at her apartment at Buckingham Gate, Westminster. Its was a serious one cause we've talked about our relationship. I know that she's not into other guys, cause she already told me that when our parents agreed about the marriage, she was, somewhat, excited and pleased cause she admitted that she liked me even before we were just friends. So there's no problem on her part.
Obviously, its me who hasn't been into her. I really didn't feel anything for her from the start. I've been very honest with my feelings the moment I learned about the agreement. She said that she can't equal the love Ching gave me. Nor she can't expect the same love I gave to Ching, but at least its worth the try.
We tried living together for six months in China, then we finally decided to finally separate to continue our studies. I went to Switzerland while she went to London. Though were not in the same school or country, at least we're in the same continent.
At first I thought I can live with it. It was a good thing for me back then. But only weeks after we separated, I must admit, I started to miss her. Then It turned to weeks and months, and with each passing day, I am starting to miss her more and more. Until the time came that I can't help it and I followed her to London two months ago.
There, we spent the whole week together. We visited places that we wanted to visit. We went to Kings Cross Station, then at Buckingham and a few more. We spent quality time with each other. That was the first time that I really enjoyed spending my time with her. Eventhough there's this dull moments that we were really silent, it feels like those silence already mean a year of conversation. It feels like we had talked so much about ourselves and finally, got the chance to fully understand each other.
Then, that was the time that we had finally explored each other, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I won't tell you the details, but surely, it was a night to remember. ;)
From then on, I must say that I really had fallen for her.
Or so I thought. Everything was okay, not until that Ching came back into the picture.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
This Life Really Sucks!
Well, I don't know. I'm trying to push her away from me but everytime I do so, it feels like I'm just fooling myself and making myself believe that I don't feel anything for her.
But the truth is, I STILL LOVE HER! I love her more than anything in the world!
Please help me convince myself that we're just friends. Nothing more, nothing less! Please, help me!
But the truth is, I STILL LOVE HER! I love her more than anything in the world!
Please help me convince myself that we're just friends. Nothing more, nothing less! Please, help me!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
I's Sick
I'm sick. And I mean really sick. Its been two days now, and I think I'm not doing okay. I really don't know how I got this but I think its due to the weather. Its been freezing here. I'm still trying to adjust.
Body Temperature Record:
Day 1 -
5:00 am - 38.0 C
9:00 am - 38.0 C
1:00 pm - 38.9 C
5:00 pm - 38.6 C
9:00 pm - 39.4 C
Day 2 -
1:00 am - 39.6 C
5:00 am - 38.9 C
9:00 am - 39.2 C
1:00 pm - 38.9 C
Body Temperature Record:
Day 1 -
5:00 am - 38.0 C
9:00 am - 38.0 C
1:00 pm - 38.9 C
5:00 pm - 38.6 C
9:00 pm - 39.4 C
Day 2 -
1:00 am - 39.6 C
5:00 am - 38.9 C
9:00 am - 39.2 C
1:00 pm - 38.9 C
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
We're okay now
We are friends. Thats for sure. No more, no less.
Its been a while since my last blog post. I was so busy that i had a fever last week due to severe cold. Now, I'm back.
So, what happened during the past few weeks?
I had a fever (I think I already said that? :D), and i was bed ridden for at least two days. Good thing I have Simone here with me and he took good care of me.
I passed my basic subjects and hopefully I would be able to pass the first term.
I have a new FACEBOOK account (yey).
Now, about my new Facebook Account, I really didn't plan to have an account but my batchmates is so annoying that I have no choice but to make one.
Now, while filling up my profile, one question made me stop and think as to what should I write. The question reads: Relationship Status.
Whoa, come to think of it! My first option was "Complicated" but then I decided to just place "In a Relationship". Then there's a follow up question: "With whom?". Bingo, X marks the spot! Without anything in mind, I immediately placed her name! And that was the biggest mistake I did!
When I clicked Save, I didn't noticed that it will send a so-called "Relationship Status Invitation" or something to the person whom you asnwered as the person where you have a relationship.
By that time, we were already Chatting when she told me that she received the invitation. I was dumb-founded and didn't know what to say. I just told her to cancel in but she said that its okay. She neither canceled it nor approved it.
Well, I just hope she'll approve it! :D
What else, thinking, thinking, thinking.
Oh, I'll be visiting my batchmates hopefully at the end of the term. I'm sure by then, it would be safe for the planes to travel!
Oh and Jae Ha will visit me next week! Horah!
:D
Its been a while since my last blog post. I was so busy that i had a fever last week due to severe cold. Now, I'm back.
So, what happened during the past few weeks?
I had a fever (I think I already said that? :D), and i was bed ridden for at least two days. Good thing I have Simone here with me and he took good care of me.
I passed my basic subjects and hopefully I would be able to pass the first term.
I have a new FACEBOOK account (yey).
Now, about my new Facebook Account, I really didn't plan to have an account but my batchmates is so annoying that I have no choice but to make one.
Now, while filling up my profile, one question made me stop and think as to what should I write. The question reads: Relationship Status.
Whoa, come to think of it! My first option was "Complicated" but then I decided to just place "In a Relationship". Then there's a follow up question: "With whom?". Bingo, X marks the spot! Without anything in mind, I immediately placed her name! And that was the biggest mistake I did!
When I clicked Save, I didn't noticed that it will send a so-called "Relationship Status Invitation" or something to the person whom you asnwered as the person where you have a relationship.
By that time, we were already Chatting when she told me that she received the invitation. I was dumb-founded and didn't know what to say. I just told her to cancel in but she said that its okay. She neither canceled it nor approved it.
Well, I just hope she'll approve it! :D
What else, thinking, thinking, thinking.
Oh, I'll be visiting my batchmates hopefully at the end of the term. I'm sure by then, it would be safe for the planes to travel!
Oh and Jae Ha will visit me next week! Horah!
:D
Monday, March 29, 2010
Messenger
I just had my latest Y!Messenger with her. I wasn't about to reply with her message but I was attracted by the fact that her profile picture was with somebody else. So I replied with her message. Here's the complete transcript:
jaefenyoon: hi
jaefenyoon: who's he?
dark angel: he's a close friend of mine who just graduated from college
dark angel: and who's she?
jaefenyoon: looks like you're too close with each other
jaefenyoon: i mean
jaefenyoon: literally
jaefenyoon:
dark angel: hehe. and it you, with that girls seems literally close too
dark angel: *alisin mo na yung it
jaefenyoon: she's a close friend also
jaefenyoon: same with yours
dark angel: is she your fiance?
jaefenyoon: is he your borfriend?
dark angel: nope. defntly not.
jaefenyoon: just the same
dark angel: hehehe. so what have you been doing lately?
jaefenyoon: nothing
jaefenyoon: just studying
dark angel: business related course i guess?
jaefenyoon: at last
dark angel: at last? hehe
jaefenyoon: at last
jaefenyoon: i get the chance to take my own course
dark angel: which is?
dark angel: so? have you been blogging after your 1st blog?
jaefenyoon: no
dark angel: why?
jaefenyoon: just dont feel like to
dark angel: you lost interest in posting
jaefenyoon: its not that
jaefenyoon: i just dont feel to
dark angel: i just thought you created a new one. and maybe by chance i could read it so that i would know what happened to your life. but i guess you dont have one
jaefenyoon: it would be better if you wont know if i have a new one
jaefenyoon: how about you?
jaefenyoon: you still blogging?
dark angel: nah i've lost my drive in posting to my blog
jaefenyoon: may i ask why?
dark angel: i dunno. sigh
jaefenyoon: okay
dark angel: di ka na ngrply sa emails ko b4. hehehe
dark angel: iniiwasan mo si mga hapot ko dmn? hehe.
jaefenyoon: you and your friend look good together
dark angel: it would really look good if it is you hahaha
dark angel: banat alert!
dark angel:
jaefenyoon: please
jaefenyoon: lets not talk about that
dark angel: heehhe. com'n consider it as a joke n lng.
jaefenyoon: but not a good one
dark angel: ok im sorry. mas enjoy qng tatawanan n lng natin yun. hehe. kesa umiyak at malungkot pa.
jaefenyoon: sorry
jaefenyoon: it all have to come into this
dark angel: hehe ok lng yun. im ok now. let's just be happy
dark angel: dba? hehe
jaefenyoon: you sure?!
dark angel: i guess i am ehehe
dark angel: na accept ko na kasi na di mo ssbihin sakin. so di na aq mag iinsist
jaefenyoon: thanks for understanding
dark angel: atleast i get the chance to talk to you. without me asking qng anu ngyari before. hehe
dark angel: you still online after 30mins?
jaefenyoon: im not sure
dark angel: aw ok. den til next time again ?
jaefenyoon: still
jaefenyoon: im not sure
dark angel: aw. great. thenm goodbye then
jaefenyoon: bye
dark angel is typing...
dark angel: btw. she's pretty you two look really good together
jaefenyoon: thanks
dark angel signed out
there, I've been really stupid! I wanted to say "it would look good if its WAS you." but I know that I can't and should not!
Darn, I just hope she won't find this blog.
To you dark angel, I hope you find true happiness with him. I know something romantic is going between the two of them. I must admit, I am jealous. But my jealousy won't do me any good.
Finally, I want to tell you I STILL LOVE YOU. But I can only say this from a far. Just in the shadow. Here, in complete oblivion.
jaefenyoon: hi
jaefenyoon: who's he?
dark angel: he's a close friend of mine who just graduated from college
dark angel: and who's she?
jaefenyoon: looks like you're too close with each other
jaefenyoon: i mean
jaefenyoon: literally
jaefenyoon:
dark angel: hehe. and it you, with that girls seems literally close too
dark angel: *alisin mo na yung it
jaefenyoon: she's a close friend also
jaefenyoon: same with yours
dark angel: is she your fiance?
jaefenyoon: is he your borfriend?
dark angel: nope. defntly not.
jaefenyoon: just the same
dark angel: hehehe. so what have you been doing lately?
jaefenyoon: nothing
jaefenyoon: just studying
dark angel: business related course i guess?
jaefenyoon: at last
dark angel: at last? hehe
jaefenyoon: at last
jaefenyoon: i get the chance to take my own course
dark angel: which is?
dark angel: so? have you been blogging after your 1st blog?
jaefenyoon: no
dark angel: why?
jaefenyoon: just dont feel like to
dark angel: you lost interest in posting
jaefenyoon: its not that
jaefenyoon: i just dont feel to
dark angel: i just thought you created a new one. and maybe by chance i could read it so that i would know what happened to your life. but i guess you dont have one
jaefenyoon: it would be better if you wont know if i have a new one
jaefenyoon: how about you?
jaefenyoon: you still blogging?
dark angel: nah i've lost my drive in posting to my blog
jaefenyoon: may i ask why?
dark angel: i dunno. sigh
jaefenyoon: okay
dark angel: di ka na ngrply sa emails ko b4. hehehe
dark angel: iniiwasan mo si mga hapot ko dmn? hehe.
jaefenyoon: you and your friend look good together
dark angel: it would really look good if it is you hahaha
dark angel: banat alert!
dark angel:
jaefenyoon: please
jaefenyoon: lets not talk about that
dark angel: heehhe. com'n consider it as a joke n lng.
jaefenyoon: but not a good one
dark angel: ok im sorry. mas enjoy qng tatawanan n lng natin yun. hehe. kesa umiyak at malungkot pa.
jaefenyoon: sorry
jaefenyoon: it all have to come into this
dark angel: hehe ok lng yun. im ok now. let's just be happy
dark angel: dba? hehe
jaefenyoon: you sure?!
dark angel: i guess i am ehehe
dark angel: na accept ko na kasi na di mo ssbihin sakin. so di na aq mag iinsist
jaefenyoon: thanks for understanding
dark angel: atleast i get the chance to talk to you. without me asking qng anu ngyari before. hehe
dark angel: you still online after 30mins?
jaefenyoon: im not sure
dark angel: aw ok. den til next time again ?
jaefenyoon: still
jaefenyoon: im not sure
dark angel: aw. great. thenm goodbye then
jaefenyoon: bye
dark angel is typing...
dark angel: btw. she's pretty you two look really good together
jaefenyoon: thanks
dark angel signed out
there, I've been really stupid! I wanted to say "it would look good if its WAS you." but I know that I can't and should not!
Darn, I just hope she won't find this blog.
To you dark angel, I hope you find true happiness with him. I know something romantic is going between the two of them. I must admit, I am jealous. But my jealousy won't do me any good.
Finally, I want to tell you I STILL LOVE YOU. But I can only say this from a far. Just in the shadow. Here, in complete oblivion.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
More than thank you
When I opened my other account, I received an e-mail from her and here's what it say's:
Jem,
Advance Happy Birthday
Hope it would be a good one.
I guess I don't need to hear your voice if you don't want to.
Just your reply would do
She sent me that e-mail yesterday. When I read that message, I have a lot of things that I wanted to tell her. But I know that would just hurt her more than I had hurt her now. So just to be casual, I replied a simple "Thanks". But that's not the only thing I wanted to tell her.
I want to tell her more. To explain everything. But... Never mind, you guys won't understand!
P.S.
She's currently online in Yahoo Messenger and I am tempted to buzz her up!
Jem,
Advance Happy Birthday
Hope it would be a good one.
I guess I don't need to hear your voice if you don't want to.
Just your reply would do
She sent me that e-mail yesterday. When I read that message, I have a lot of things that I wanted to tell her. But I know that would just hurt her more than I had hurt her now. So just to be casual, I replied a simple "Thanks". But that's not the only thing I wanted to tell her.
I want to tell her more. To explain everything. But... Never mind, you guys won't understand!
P.S.
She's currently online in Yahoo Messenger and I am tempted to buzz her up!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Happy Natal Day
Happy Natal Day to me!
Well, my brother gave me a gift yesterday and its a brand new PS3! Really love it!
Well, my brother gave me a gift yesterday and its a brand new PS3! Really love it!
Friday, March 12, 2010
I am really sorry
I am really sorry ching. I really do.
I won't try or rather attempt to contact you any further. I just dont know what to say or do the moment that I'll be hearing your voice once more.
Sorry.
I won't try or rather attempt to contact you any further. I just dont know what to say or do the moment that I'll be hearing your voice once more.
Sorry.
Monday, March 8, 2010
GOODBYE [A repost]
This is just a repost from my previous blog [http://jaefenyoon.blogspot.com]. I just wanted to repost this cause I think this poem is suitable for the feelings I am enduring right now.
GOODBYE
I'm sorry for everything I had said,
the thought of me making you cry repeats in my head.
I'm sorry I can never make you happy,
inside I feel so crappy.
I'm sorry for wasting your time,
wanted to make you have a happy life.
I'm sorry for I have failed,
never do anything right.
I'm sorry that I had to say sorry
I promise my love, my world, my girl, my perfect dark angel,
that I would never say those awful things
what hurts the most is that I broke my promise, made you cry,
most of all my dark angel
I'm sorry that I have to say goodbye.
GOODBYE
I'm sorry for everything I had said,
the thought of me making you cry repeats in my head.
I'm sorry I can never make you happy,
inside I feel so crappy.
I'm sorry for wasting your time,
wanted to make you have a happy life.
I'm sorry for I have failed,
never do anything right.
I'm sorry that I had to say sorry
I promise my love, my world, my girl, my perfect dark angel,
that I would never say those awful things
what hurts the most is that I broke my promise, made you cry,
most of all my dark angel
I'm sorry that I have to say goodbye.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
SORRY
I'm sorry for the times you cried,
and the loneliness you felt inside.
I'm sorry for the way things were,
and the selfishness that you endured.
I'm sorry for the nights we lost,
and the deep pain it must have cost.
I'm sorry for the love you missed;
losing you helped me realize this.
I'm sorry I wasn't there to show,
the deepest love you'll ever know.
I'm sorry for the empty days,
and the stresses that you still yet pay.
I'm sorry for the way I left;
I've never felt so much regret.
I'm sorry for the heart I broke,
that shattered with the words I spoke.
I'm sorry for the empty space,
that lay beside you in my place.
I'm sorry for the empty arms;
you fell into when times were hard.
I'm sorry for the days that passed,
Our love now will surely last.
I'm sorry it took so long to vow,
to love you forever here and now
and the loneliness you felt inside.
I'm sorry for the way things were,
and the selfishness that you endured.
I'm sorry for the nights we lost,
and the deep pain it must have cost.
I'm sorry for the love you missed;
losing you helped me realize this.
I'm sorry I wasn't there to show,
the deepest love you'll ever know.
I'm sorry for the empty days,
and the stresses that you still yet pay.
I'm sorry for the way I left;
I've never felt so much regret.
I'm sorry for the heart I broke,
that shattered with the words I spoke.
I'm sorry for the empty space,
that lay beside you in my place.
I'm sorry for the empty arms;
you fell into when times were hard.
I'm sorry for the days that passed,
Our love now will surely last.
I'm sorry it took so long to vow,
to love you forever here and now
Monday, March 1, 2010
Still In Love With You
The feelings we shared fell to an end,
But my heart is still here for you to mend,
Sometimes I wish you would just understand,
That I still do and you too still can...
I still remember the time that I miss,
The very moment of our very last kiss,
I have dreams about it in my sleep,
Until this day I can still taste your lips...
When I miss you I can’t sleep tight,
I can hardly make it through the night,
Still crazy about you I do tell,
I don’t know why but can’t break the spell...
Never thought I’d end up this way,
I still miss you and want you to stay,
I’ve said it to you but you just don’t care,
You meant it so cold and it’s just not fair...
When I found out that you already found another,
My heart again sank in deeper,
I tried so hard not to cry,
But tears began clouding my eyes..
I wish you knew what you’ve done wrong,
But you’d only hurt me more so long,
As we’ve gone through this pain before,
I know you would only again, say no...
Feeling that you’re always inside of me,
I just can’t set myself free,
But after long I learned to see,
That things, were never meant to be...
This poem was from a friend and thought it would be nice to post it here. :D
But my heart is still here for you to mend,
Sometimes I wish you would just understand,
That I still do and you too still can...
I still remember the time that I miss,
The very moment of our very last kiss,
I have dreams about it in my sleep,
Until this day I can still taste your lips...
When I miss you I can’t sleep tight,
I can hardly make it through the night,
Still crazy about you I do tell,
I don’t know why but can’t break the spell...
Never thought I’d end up this way,
I still miss you and want you to stay,
I’ve said it to you but you just don’t care,
You meant it so cold and it’s just not fair...
When I found out that you already found another,
My heart again sank in deeper,
I tried so hard not to cry,
But tears began clouding my eyes..
I wish you knew what you’ve done wrong,
But you’d only hurt me more so long,
As we’ve gone through this pain before,
I know you would only again, say no...
Feeling that you’re always inside of me,
I just can’t set myself free,
But after long I learned to see,
That things, were never meant to be...
This poem was from a friend and thought it would be nice to post it here. :D
Friday, February 26, 2010
Stepping out of the "BOX"
Hi there. For those wondering about me, I know you all are, here's your chance to know me. I'll be stepping out of the box by next month.
But before I do that, please, don't judge me.
But before I do that, please, don't judge me.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Arguments
Arguments arises. Conflicts ensues.
.
Been bothered by the problems just recently, as well as lately. A close friend of mine unexpectedly burst his bottle and came out threatening another close friend. All on teasing. This is the point where you can add the 'WTF' moments. The situation is childish, it's 'high school', it's unprofessional, it's not how friends should be. I feel like I'm babysitting yet again.
As usual, I'll always go on my non-bias and methodological approach to help fix things, like in any legal court cases. After a couple days of gathering more info from both sides and more liaison, things cooled down between the parties. Ugh..
Another is between me and my father. AGAIN! Found out just today he demands 'respect'. No idea what that would really mean, especially for him, but probably wanting me to act more courteous to him as a father. This would mean I'll need to withstand his constant nagging and other demeaning babbles that will come out of his mouth.
.
Been bothered by the problems just recently, as well as lately. A close friend of mine unexpectedly burst his bottle and came out threatening another close friend. All on teasing. This is the point where you can add the 'WTF' moments. The situation is childish, it's 'high school', it's unprofessional, it's not how friends should be. I feel like I'm babysitting yet again.
As usual, I'll always go on my non-bias and methodological approach to help fix things, like in any legal court cases. After a couple days of gathering more info from both sides and more liaison, things cooled down between the parties. Ugh..
Another is between me and my father. AGAIN! Found out just today he demands 'respect'. No idea what that would really mean, especially for him, but probably wanting me to act more courteous to him as a father. This would mean I'll need to withstand his constant nagging and other demeaning babbles that will come out of his mouth.
----------------------------------------
"You are getting fat!"
"You aren't old enough!"
"You are old enough, but not experienced!"
"You don't know what I've been through!"
"You aren't doing anything at home!"
"Go find a job in the newspapers!"
"Go find a wife!"
"You are getting fat!"
"You aren't old enough!"
"You are old enough, but not experienced!"
"You don't know what I've been through!"
"You aren't doing anything at home!"
"Go find a job in the newspapers!"
"Go find a wife!"
"She's the one I want you to marry!"
----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
I don't know if I can suck up my pride like that, but I'll start slow. I'll start saying "Thank You" and those other mannerisms done as for any friendly strangers. Do a bit of deep breathing before any talks with him and agree with what he says, even if the idea sounds stupid to me. See how this will go...
problem problems problems.
I really need to get pets. They don't argue! I wanr dogs! MORE DOGS!
problem problems problems.
I really need to get pets. They don't argue! I wanr dogs! MORE DOGS!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Distance
"Love is not only blind, it has no boundary."
A long distance relationship sounds very exciting, as you get to meet the person of your dreams occasionally, and those few moments of joy and happiness when you both are together bestows sweet memories upon you to cherish.
But, just but...
Would you really trust your partner who stays far away in some other country, state or city? Is he or she telling the truth when they are partying with their friends? Does he or she love you and only you?
We offer you a world of information and the excitement about sustaining long distance relationships... even when your loved one is far away.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
More Poems
Okay, I've been inactive for quite some time, and haven't posted any blog since I can't remember. So to cover all those days, here's my post for today, another poem from the heart.
I wrote this peom last month. It just fell out of the blue and words just came out of my mind. Would you believe that the original manuscript of this poem was writen in a tissue paper while I'm sitting on my throne?! Anyway, enough yapping and I think its about time for you to read my poem. :D
Comments please!
Mysterious Memories
From the day I talk to you
I felt something inside
Then I told you
and I’m not kidding aside.
You became very friendly
But I’m so lonely
‘Coz of what I’ve done to you
I’ m afraid that you might know me
And refuse to be friendly.
But now it’s starting to fade away
For I haven’t seen you for some days
Even your sweet voice
I haven’t heard even a single noise.
But I’ll always remember the mem’ries
The laughter and the stories
But I hope the Friendship and memories
Will last forever in mysteries.
I wrote this peom last month. It just fell out of the blue and words just came out of my mind. Would you believe that the original manuscript of this poem was writen in a tissue paper while I'm sitting on my throne?! Anyway, enough yapping and I think its about time for you to read my poem. :D
Comments please!
From the day I talk to you
I felt something inside
Then I told you
and I’m not kidding aside.
You became very friendly
But I’m so lonely
‘Coz of what I’ve done to you
I’ m afraid that you might know me
And refuse to be friendly.
But now it’s starting to fade away
For I haven’t seen you for some days
Even your sweet voice
I haven’t heard even a single noise.
But I’ll always remember the mem’ries
The laughter and the stories
But I hope the Friendship and memories
Will last forever in mysteries.
Memories
It's been a long time since I smiled.
All my life I'm waiting,
I don't know why I persist doing this
When I can move on and keep going.
But I won't deplore all those days
When I think of you every night.
Even shedding those bloody tears,
And all I need is a hug so tight.
I tried to stay away from you
But never to a point of trying to hate you.
I know I'm being hard on myself
Yet it's the right thing to do.
I started to admire another girl,
And see the rest of the world with her.
But I cannot live a life full of ties,
For I thought it's you even when I grow old.
And suddenly I grew tired.
So helpless that I cried.
I don't want anymore pain
O God, I think I'm going insane !
And finally I realized something -
Life isn't only crying.
To move one, I have to let go.
These feelings of mine for you to grow.
"It's not the end of the world, my dear,"
Mom said to me.
"So get up and dry those tears,
There are so many things around you that
you must see."
Now I hope everything would be fine.
To learn to accept facts and wait for the
right time.
Little by little I'm letting go (I'll try to let go),
Hope it makes me happy to do so (but it would be hard).
To end this poem, I want you to know,
You've been so special to me that it's hard
to let you go.
I know forever in my heart you'll always be here.
but only to remain as a cherished memory.
All my life I'm waiting,
I don't know why I persist doing this
When I can move on and keep going.
But I won't deplore all those days
When I think of you every night.
Even shedding those bloody tears,
And all I need is a hug so tight.
I tried to stay away from you
But never to a point of trying to hate you.
I know I'm being hard on myself
Yet it's the right thing to do.
I started to admire another girl,
And see the rest of the world with her.
But I cannot live a life full of ties,
For I thought it's you even when I grow old.
And suddenly I grew tired.
So helpless that I cried.
I don't want anymore pain
O God, I think I'm going insane !
And finally I realized something -
Life isn't only crying.
To move one, I have to let go.
These feelings of mine for you to grow.
"It's not the end of the world, my dear,"
Mom said to me.
"So get up and dry those tears,
There are so many things around you that
you must see."
Now I hope everything would be fine.
To learn to accept facts and wait for the
right time.
Little by little I'm letting go (I'll try to let go),
Hope it makes me happy to do so (but it would be hard).
To end this poem, I want you to know,
You've been so special to me that it's hard
to let you go.
I know forever in my heart you'll always be here.
but only to remain as a cherished memory.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
LIGHT OF MY DAYS, SWEET ANGEL OF MY DREAMS
I used to look at you in the light of a friend,
until that time the light changed.
Now, when I gaze upon you,
I see so much more inside of you,
and I can't help but wonder how this eluded me until now.
You are all that I ever could have wanted and hoped for --
You -- the light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
I see your beautiful face everywhere I go,
I see you in my best dreams,
I see you in the starlit sky up above,
I see you in the faces of complete strangers,
I see you every minute of every day inside my heart.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
I long to hold you in my arms
and gaze endlessly into your eyes,
just knowing that we are together
and all is perfect and right in the world.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
Your eyes are those of eternal beauty,
so many shades of tenderness I see in them.
One look and I lose myself in them
and, for a moment, the world seems to stand still.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
When I am with you,
it seems to me like heaven -
there is no other place in the entire world
I would rather be than by your side.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
Things seem to be so right
when I am around you, even if only for a moment...
sadness, stress, and anxiety all vanish.
They are but shadows dancing
around the light and warmth of your heart.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
Your smile is like a sunrise,
with gentle yet familiar rays of warmth
touching my heart like a thousand
sunbeams piercing through a stormy sky.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
Maybe I will never know what could have been,
whether we could have found the sweetness
of love inside each other's hearts,
or if the idea would have died unsaid on my lips...
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
until that time the light changed.
Now, when I gaze upon you,
I see so much more inside of you,
and I can't help but wonder how this eluded me until now.
You are all that I ever could have wanted and hoped for --
You -- the light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
I see your beautiful face everywhere I go,
I see you in my best dreams,
I see you in the starlit sky up above,
I see you in the faces of complete strangers,
I see you every minute of every day inside my heart.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
I long to hold you in my arms
and gaze endlessly into your eyes,
just knowing that we are together
and all is perfect and right in the world.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
Your eyes are those of eternal beauty,
so many shades of tenderness I see in them.
One look and I lose myself in them
and, for a moment, the world seems to stand still.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
When I am with you,
it seems to me like heaven -
there is no other place in the entire world
I would rather be than by your side.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
Things seem to be so right
when I am around you, even if only for a moment...
sadness, stress, and anxiety all vanish.
They are but shadows dancing
around the light and warmth of your heart.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
Your smile is like a sunrise,
with gentle yet familiar rays of warmth
touching my heart like a thousand
sunbeams piercing through a stormy sky.
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
Maybe I will never know what could have been,
whether we could have found the sweetness
of love inside each other's hearts,
or if the idea would have died unsaid on my lips...
Light of my day, sweet angel of my dreams.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Missing my Angel
I wonder what she's doing right now. I really starting to miss her. Badly.
I hope everythings fine with her and she had already moved on. I hope and pray to the Creator that she would be okay.
I hope everythings fine with her and she had already moved on. I hope and pray to the Creator that she would be okay.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Moonlight
At the bus stop outside my house, on the top of the hill, the night sky brought about an unusual feeling of serenity. Iridescent diamonds speckled the velvet expanse while a continual contest of light and shadow was played out on the clouds. I was embraced by the warm illumination from the full moon as the cool sea breeze caressed the contours of my body. The smell of the sea, under the moonlight made me feel... different.
Today has been quite good for me. Despite the serious sleep deficiency from cramming for the Management exam today, I managed to get up and prepare for Uni without too much difficulty. My motor skills were slightly... delayed at the start but resumed functioning normally after a while. First lesson for the day was Mathematics lecture for 2 hours. It ended 10 minutes early so I seized the opportunity to go to the library to study. The 3rd floor of the library had just been renovated. It looks really good now. I would have cam-whored a bit but I didn't have the time or the equipment. I studied for the next 2 hours, doing last minute cramming before heading for the exam venue at the Business Room. The exam went pretty well. I completed the exam within 20 minutes. There were a lot of details in the lecture notes but the exam questions were really easy. There were 12 MCQs, 6 short answers and 1 essay. The essay asked for a discussion of Administration and Management theory and how it relates to one another. After the exam, I had a physiology tutorial. Some of us decided to ditch our designated tutorial group and join our other friend's. When we got there, I saw this pretty hot girl. (She's a student, does physiology and biochemistry with me. Very good looking but rumoured to be as obtuse as she is good looking. Caucasian, tall, greatbody, good facial features.) Anyways, the tutor for this tutorial was this daggy old lady. 2 minutes into the lecture, my friend and I decided to leave and go to our old tutorial group. We made it back in time. We had a new tutor as well. She was a doctor that assisted us in some of our physio labs. Quite young, pretty, slim, with skin as clear as Miranda Otto. Today's tutorial was on the cardiovascular system. I didn't revise any of the lectures before the tutorial but I did manage to get some of the questions correct.
I popped off to the city after tutorial to meet up with my brother. He had gone to get his hair done and when I got there, we just walked around for a bit. We went to Myers to test out their perfume. I like the new Guerlain Homme but I decided not to buy it yet as it would have been on impulse if I did anyways. The top note was a gentle fusion of lime and mint, creating a slightly herbaceous opening. After a few moments, the middle notes surfaced, revealing bergamot, green tea & pelargonium. The middle notes were really refreshing and not stinging. The scent progressed to mellow down with cedar and vetiver while retaining the cool mint through the entire duration which blended well to create a soft, sweet, cool note. Guerlain Homme is a clean fragrance, well balanced and sophisticated. It's classy and modern. The more I think about it, the more tempted I am to get it.
On the note of perfumes, I was complimented on my signature scent, YSL L'Homme today. It's neither overpoweringly musky nor sickeningly cloying but a perfect balance, like yin and yang (possibly androgynous?).
It has been a pretty good day overall but I will endeavour to get some work done this weekend!
Lurbs yew long time,
Jo(n)
(Apologies for the weird paragraph up the top, I was inspired momentarily and started churning out literary nonsense. If my high school english teacher read that, she would probably be spewing blood from the overused clichés.)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
"Another pain in the ass!" I said to myself in front of my our mirror. It had been like this for a year now. I have to wake up by four in the morning, if lucky around seven in the morning if I have someone else to do the task for me, just to open the restaurant. And today's my lucky day, Victor volunteered to open the store saying that I need to take a long time to rest. But come to think of it, how can I possibly rest knowing that my father would be yelling at me when he finds out that I didn't some to office this morning! Crap!
(Sorry, I'm lost of words! :D)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Prologue
When I was nineteen, my life changed forever. I know that there are people who wonder about me when I say this. They look at me strangely as if trying to fathom what could have happened back the, though I seldom bother to explain. Because I've lived here for most of my life, I don't feel that I have to unless its on my own terms, and that would make more time than most people are willing to give me. My story can't be summed up in two or three sentences; it can't be packaged into something neat and simple that people would immediately understand. Despite the passage of time of one year, the people who knew me that time accept my lack of explanation without question. I relive that time more often in my mind, bringing it back to life, and realize that when I do, I always feel a strange combination of sadness and joy. There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock, but I have the feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well. So I take the memories as they come, accepting them all, letting them guide me whenever I can. This happen more often than I let on.
It is January 12, 2010, and as I enter the gate of our house, I glance around. The sky is overcast and gray, but as I move down the door, I noticed that everything about my life had changed. The temperature was warm, though I know it's only a matter of time before it will settle in to something comfortable and the night skies filled with stars. With a sigh, I feel it all coming back to me. I close my eyes and the days begin to move in reverse, slowly ticking backward, like the hands of a clock rotating in the wrong direction. As if through someone else's eyes, I watch myself grow a little, just a little, younger. Lessons I've learned within the past 19 years grow dimmer, and my innocence returns as that eventful year approaches.
Then like me, the world begins to change: the overflowing people were replaced by furnitures from our home in the Philippines. At the side table near my desk, overlooking the beautiful sunrise from Manila Bay, my phone began to ring...
I open my eyes and pause. I rose from my bed and went directly towards the bathroom. As I stare at the life-size mirror along the way, I know exactly who I am. My name is Jhon Francis Yu, and I'm nineteen years old.
This is my story and I promise to leave nothing out.
First you will smile, and then you will cry - don't say you haven't been warned.
It is January 12, 2010, and as I enter the gate of our house, I glance around. The sky is overcast and gray, but as I move down the door, I noticed that everything about my life had changed. The temperature was warm, though I know it's only a matter of time before it will settle in to something comfortable and the night skies filled with stars. With a sigh, I feel it all coming back to me. I close my eyes and the days begin to move in reverse, slowly ticking backward, like the hands of a clock rotating in the wrong direction. As if through someone else's eyes, I watch myself grow a little, just a little, younger. Lessons I've learned within the past 19 years grow dimmer, and my innocence returns as that eventful year approaches.
Then like me, the world begins to change: the overflowing people were replaced by furnitures from our home in the Philippines. At the side table near my desk, overlooking the beautiful sunrise from Manila Bay, my phone began to ring...
I open my eyes and pause. I rose from my bed and went directly towards the bathroom. As I stare at the life-size mirror along the way, I know exactly who I am. My name is Jhon Francis Yu, and I'm nineteen years old.
This is my story and I promise to leave nothing out.
First you will smile, and then you will cry - don't say you haven't been warned.
Monday, January 11, 2010
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