Twice Dying

There's no sense of me staying here in the Philippines. I can see that she's really moved on and that she's happy with her life now. I know I've been talking too much of moving on already. I already told you, my avid reader [if I have one], that I will finally start moving on with my life with Caroline and our baby, Carole Gemina. But I just can't help myself from looking back at the once true love that I felt from her.

When Caroline and I talked about our situation, our relationship, I was completely honest with my feelings for her and Ching. ANd she knew that it would be hard for me to totally forget about Ching. SHe meant everything to me. But now, she's everything for another guy.

I wanted to talk to her, give her a surprise visit, the hell with his parents if they ask who am I, all I want to do is to talk to her and tell her all about my feelings.

But for the past few weeks since May, when I started camping round their house, I often see the two of them, so happy and in love, I can't help but envy Jek cause he's with her. He's happy with her.

Now, as I finally await my plane bound to HongKong for my connecting flight to Switzerland, I just can't help but think of her. But I must, really and with all honesty, start to move on. She already love him, I know cause I had just read her blog and it really hurts knowing your one true love found a new love from another. It really hurts to the point that I really don't know what to do or say. It took me awhile before I finally gathered my mind and start typing.

For those who wonders how hurt I am, try imagining yourself falling from a 10 storey high building but ending up alive. That's how painful I am feeling right now.

When I arrived at Lausanne, I must start moving on. Go on with my New life without Ching at my side and only with my fiance and daughter to think of. I already cause Caroline too much pain, that I now finally know after feeling the same with Ching, and I don't want to cause her more.

This might be my last post, cause this blog exist just to give way for my thoughts about my precious Dark Angel. But now, my Dark Angel found her new light.