There's no sense of me staying here in the Philippines. I can see that she's really moved on and that she's happy with her life now. I know I've been talking too much of moving on already. I already told you, my avid reader [if I have one], that I will finally start moving on with my life with Caroline and our baby, Carole Gemina. But I just can't help myself from looking back at the once true love that I felt from her.
When Caroline and I talked about our situation, our relationship, I was completely honest with my feelings for her and Ching. ANd she knew that it would be hard for me to totally forget about Ching. SHe meant everything to me. But now, she's everything for another guy.
I wanted to talk to her, give her a surprise visit, the hell with his parents if they ask who am I, all I want to do is to talk to her and tell her all about my feelings.
But for the past few weeks since May, when I started camping round their house, I often see the two of them, so happy and in love, I can't help but envy Jek cause he's with her. He's happy with her.
Now, as I finally await my plane bound to HongKong for my connecting flight to Switzerland, I just can't help but think of her. But I must, really and with all honesty, start to move on. She already love him, I know cause I had just read her blog and it really hurts knowing your one true love found a new love from another. It really hurts to the point that I really don't know what to do or say. It took me awhile before I finally gathered my mind and start typing.
For those who wonders how hurt I am, try imagining yourself falling from a 10 storey high building but ending up alive. That's how painful I am feeling right now.
When I arrived at Lausanne, I must start moving on. Go on with my New life without Ching at my side and only with my fiance and daughter to think of. I already cause Caroline too much pain, that I now finally know after feeling the same with Ching, and I don't want to cause her more.
This might be my last post, cause this blog exist just to give way for my thoughts about my precious Dark Angel. But now, my Dark Angel found her new light.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Thunder and Lightning
Lightning is an atmospheric discharge of electricity accompanied by thunder, which typically occurs during thunderstorms, and sometimes during volcanic eruptions or dust storms.[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightning]
After a few weeks of severe heat, Rain, accompanied by thunderous and monster lightning, finally arrived here in the Bicol Reagion. It just feel so good to be back in the good old days of playing under the rain with my cousins. I enjoyed playing while being soaked by the rain.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Collection of Poem
Here are some poems i wrote last night. Can't believe I was able to write all of this in just an hour.
POEM 1:
A Hopeless Love
My tears are flowing
Your words are stinging
My souls in pain
My ears are ringing
I wanna die
I want to scream
This is a nightmare
No longer a dream
Your voice I long to hear
Your face I long to see
I only want your love
With you I long to be
But I know our love is hopeless
So my tears run down my face
I think of you every moment
But my heart is shattered all over the place.
The moon is no longer shining
Why don't you feel the same?
Its rays are quickly fading
My love will never change…
POEM 2:
I Don't Remember
I don't remember betraying you -
You act as if you lost a friend.
I don't wanna lose you -
I'll love you in Christ until the end.
I don't remember betraying you -
Please tell me what I've done.
I'm remembering all the memories -
And all the outrageous fun.
I don't remember betraying you -
I'm crying in despair.
I told you how much I respect you -
I've told you how much I care.
Don't treat me as a memory -
Fading into the blue.
In all honesty and sincerity -
I don't remember betraying you
POEM 3:
LOVING IN SILENCE
All the happy moments of ours are already gone
But only pain that was left in my heart.
I stopped myself from loving and
I stopped my life from moving.
But I was not that strong
Falling inLove with you
Though I know in your dreams
Its not me you're holding.
I tried to stop this feeling
But your memories keep lingering
I know that there's nothing a head of these
For all those things are merely illusions.
...So, I rather Love You in Silence..!!!!?
POEM 4:
Dark Life
Defeated, I walked through that path,
Where the place has a cold shaft,
This is not where I'm supposed to be,
Where I could set my spirits free.
How I wished that I coulld turn back the hands of time,
Like a full grown tree,
Just about as big as a seed,
I sighed to myself,
Where are my friends when I'm in need?
Sadly, I hid,
Inside the shadows I sleep.
The nights are not with stars and moon,
It is just like my feelings-sad and gloom,
I feel my body is tied to the guards of doom,
The pain sending me down to my crushed heart.
Every step I take,
I feel my neck would strain,
My body couldn't feel more worse with the terrible pain,
Couldn't anybody help me?
Can't anybody see?
All the overwhelmed feelings inside my heart?
It's driving me insane,
If this is the start,
I will fight hard,
I will hold on to my prayers,
Deep inside my thoughts.
POEM 5:
I Dream a Dream
Walking along a dusty road,
the night is dark and cold,
no stars in the sky,
no moon rising above me.
All alone with no one around,
no light ahead, no houses in the distance,
no one to take me from this awful place,
I walk alone on this fark path.
As i walk, the wind blows, and I dream,
I dream a dream of happiness,
A dream of light ahead, of a moon rising,
A dream of stars twinkling in the sky.
A dream of no hoplessness or pain,
lonelyness or uglyness
A dream od birds chirping in the morning
or cyotes howling at night.
I trip over a rock and fall,
and fall and fall and fall,
it feels like i'm falling forever,
into a bottemless pit, where pain lasts.
Until I hit the ground hard,
As i lie there i think,
Is there really such a place?
A place where no one abandons you?
A place where you can laugh,
whre you can sing and dance,
and just be happy.
Its a silly dream, theres no such thing.
For the rest of eternity I will walk,
walk alone on this dark cold road,
waiting, wondering if a car will come,
come and take me to that dream.
POEM 1:
A Hopeless Love
My tears are flowing
Your words are stinging
My souls in pain
My ears are ringing
I wanna die
I want to scream
This is a nightmare
No longer a dream
Your voice I long to hear
Your face I long to see
I only want your love
With you I long to be
But I know our love is hopeless
So my tears run down my face
I think of you every moment
But my heart is shattered all over the place.
The moon is no longer shining
Why don't you feel the same?
Its rays are quickly fading
My love will never change…
POEM 2:
I Don't Remember
I don't remember betraying you -
You act as if you lost a friend.
I don't wanna lose you -
I'll love you in Christ until the end.
I don't remember betraying you -
Please tell me what I've done.
I'm remembering all the memories -
And all the outrageous fun.
I don't remember betraying you -
I'm crying in despair.
I told you how much I respect you -
I've told you how much I care.
Don't treat me as a memory -
Fading into the blue.
In all honesty and sincerity -
I don't remember betraying you
POEM 3:
LOVING IN SILENCE
All the happy moments of ours are already gone
But only pain that was left in my heart.
I stopped myself from loving and
I stopped my life from moving.
But I was not that strong
Falling inLove with you
Though I know in your dreams
Its not me you're holding.
I tried to stop this feeling
But your memories keep lingering
I know that there's nothing a head of these
For all those things are merely illusions.
...So, I rather Love You in Silence..!!!!?
POEM 4:
Dark Life
Defeated, I walked through that path,
Where the place has a cold shaft,
This is not where I'm supposed to be,
Where I could set my spirits free.
How I wished that I coulld turn back the hands of time,
Like a full grown tree,
Just about as big as a seed,
I sighed to myself,
Where are my friends when I'm in need?
Sadly, I hid,
Inside the shadows I sleep.
The nights are not with stars and moon,
It is just like my feelings-sad and gloom,
I feel my body is tied to the guards of doom,
The pain sending me down to my crushed heart.
Every step I take,
I feel my neck would strain,
My body couldn't feel more worse with the terrible pain,
Couldn't anybody help me?
Can't anybody see?
All the overwhelmed feelings inside my heart?
It's driving me insane,
If this is the start,
I will fight hard,
I will hold on to my prayers,
Deep inside my thoughts.
POEM 5:
I Dream a Dream
Walking along a dusty road,
the night is dark and cold,
no stars in the sky,
no moon rising above me.
All alone with no one around,
no light ahead, no houses in the distance,
no one to take me from this awful place,
I walk alone on this fark path.
As i walk, the wind blows, and I dream,
I dream a dream of happiness,
A dream of light ahead, of a moon rising,
A dream of stars twinkling in the sky.
A dream of no hoplessness or pain,
lonelyness or uglyness
A dream od birds chirping in the morning
or cyotes howling at night.
I trip over a rock and fall,
and fall and fall and fall,
it feels like i'm falling forever,
into a bottemless pit, where pain lasts.
Until I hit the ground hard,
As i lie there i think,
Is there really such a place?
A place where no one abandons you?
A place where you can laugh,
whre you can sing and dance,
and just be happy.
Its a silly dream, theres no such thing.
For the rest of eternity I will walk,
walk alone on this dark cold road,
waiting, wondering if a car will come,
come and take me to that dream.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Di Lang Ikaw (It's not just you)
I've been looking for some songs and MYMP from the Philippines was first on my list.
MYMP, or Make Your Mama Proud, is an Acoustic Due from the Philippines and their music always reaches a spot in various countdowns.
But sadly, i just learned that the duo was disbanded and both has its own separate career now.
Juris, the vocalist of the duo released an album and one of her songs really got my attention.
Its about facing the pain of break-ups and losing the one you love. That its not just the other one who's in pain, but also the singer.
Just listen for my MP3 player cause I included it on my list.
MYMP, or Make Your Mama Proud, is an Acoustic Due from the Philippines and their music always reaches a spot in various countdowns.
But sadly, i just learned that the duo was disbanded and both has its own separate career now.
Juris, the vocalist of the duo released an album and one of her songs really got my attention.
Its about facing the pain of break-ups and losing the one you love. That its not just the other one who's in pain, but also the singer.
Just listen for my MP3 player cause I included it on my list.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Remove Connections
I removed my connections with them so I won't get any update.
She already moved on, and so should I!
Hope this can help!
She already moved on, and so should I!
Hope this can help!
Its a fact that I am Stubborn
I am stubborn! That what I know!
I know I am being hurt by his presence, and yet, here I am, trying to be cool but I know that I really look like a fool and a complete IDIOT!
DARN!
Why can't I just start to totally forget about her? Why can't I get her rid of my mind! I still have some sleepless nights thinking about her. There even came a time that I wanted to visit her school just for the hope of seeing her there, evengthough I know it would be impossible. At first I thought I can't resist the temptation of looking for her when I know I'm just a few kilometers away from Naga.
Now, here I am, so destraught after seeing their picture. It so freaking hurt and I didn't even noticed that I cried. Even upto now, tears still falling from my eyes. But I guess I cannot blame you. I cannot blame you to fall to someone else, after what I have done. After the pain and tears that I caused you. After breaking my promise. My promise to be your strength, your hope and to keep you faith when you think its starting to subside. My promise that you'll never be hurt anymore, that I'll give you my word, my heart. That I will take you in my arm and hold you tight and feel my love. BUt all of it I failed to fulfill.
I cannot blame you. I know, I have no right to blame you.
I know that I don't cause I know for a fact that I am stubborn!
I know I am being hurt by his presence, and yet, here I am, trying to be cool but I know that I really look like a fool and a complete IDIOT!
DARN!
Why can't I just start to totally forget about her? Why can't I get her rid of my mind! I still have some sleepless nights thinking about her. There even came a time that I wanted to visit her school just for the hope of seeing her there, evengthough I know it would be impossible. At first I thought I can't resist the temptation of looking for her when I know I'm just a few kilometers away from Naga.
Now, here I am, so destraught after seeing their picture. It so freaking hurt and I didn't even noticed that I cried. Even upto now, tears still falling from my eyes. But I guess I cannot blame you. I cannot blame you to fall to someone else, after what I have done. After the pain and tears that I caused you. After breaking my promise. My promise to be your strength, your hope and to keep you faith when you think its starting to subside. My promise that you'll never be hurt anymore, that I'll give you my word, my heart. That I will take you in my arm and hold you tight and feel my love. BUt all of it I failed to fulfill.
I cannot blame you. I know, I have no right to blame you.
I know that I don't cause I know for a fact that I am stubborn!
Monday, May 31, 2010
LOVE
It hurts to love someone and not loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never finding the courage to let the person know how you feel. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person we should know how to be grateful for that gift.
Love is when you take away the feeling the passion, the romance and you find out you still care for that person. A sad thing about love is when you meet someone that means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. When one door of happiness closes, another open but often we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us
Its true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lost it but its also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they’ll love you back.
Don’t expect love in return just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn’t, be content it grew in yours. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy me gift.
Always put yourself in others shoes, if you feel that it hurts you it probably hurts the person too. A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck the life, a timely word may level stress and a loving word may heal and bless.
The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them with our own image otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past, failures and heartache.
There are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person from whom you would like to hear it but don’t be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart. Never say goodbye when you still feel you can take it but never say you don’t love that person anymore when you can’t let go. Loves comes to those who still hopes even though they’ve been disappointed. To those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed. Need to love those who still love even though they’ve been hurt.
It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone
Don’t go for looks it can deceive, don’t go for wealth even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright (Hope you find that person). There are moments in life when you really miss someone that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be because you have only one life
And one chance to do all the things you want in life
Sometimes Love is so Unfair... The more you SACRIFICE, the more you get HURT and when you feel you have given your BEST, still not ENOUGH until such time you had no choice but to GIVE UP... A KISS is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become unnecessary. Juz be sure that those lips will only kiss the person whom you truly LOVE and CARE about... Be CAREFUL to whom you give your HEART to coz when you give your HEART to someone, you are not only giving that person the right to LOVE you, but the power to HURT you... Let LOVE be the guide to your DREAMS. Let LOVE be the light to your HEART and let your LOVE be the reason for someone elses HEART still continue to BEAT... LOVING is not about HUGGING someone, not about KISSING their LIPS or HOLDING their HANDS but about PLACING them and KEEPING them in your THOUGHTS and in your HEART...
by: Anonymous
Love is when you take away the feeling the passion, the romance and you find out you still care for that person. A sad thing about love is when you meet someone that means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. When one door of happiness closes, another open but often we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us
Its true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lost it but its also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they’ll love you back.
Don’t expect love in return just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn’t, be content it grew in yours. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy me gift.
Always put yourself in others shoes, if you feel that it hurts you it probably hurts the person too. A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck the life, a timely word may level stress and a loving word may heal and bless.
The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them with our own image otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past, failures and heartache.
There are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person from whom you would like to hear it but don’t be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart. Never say goodbye when you still feel you can take it but never say you don’t love that person anymore when you can’t let go. Loves comes to those who still hopes even though they’ve been disappointed. To those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed. Need to love those who still love even though they’ve been hurt.
It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone
Don’t go for looks it can deceive, don’t go for wealth even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright (Hope you find that person). There are moments in life when you really miss someone that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be because you have only one life
And one chance to do all the things you want in life
Sometimes Love is so Unfair... The more you SACRIFICE, the more you get HURT and when you feel you have given your BEST, still not ENOUGH until such time you had no choice but to GIVE UP... A KISS is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become unnecessary. Juz be sure that those lips will only kiss the person whom you truly LOVE and CARE about... Be CAREFUL to whom you give your HEART to coz when you give your HEART to someone, you are not only giving that person the right to LOVE you, but the power to HURT you... Let LOVE be the guide to your DREAMS. Let LOVE be the light to your HEART and let your LOVE be the reason for someone elses HEART still continue to BEAT... LOVING is not about HUGGING someone, not about KISSING their LIPS or HOLDING their HANDS but about PLACING them and KEEPING them in your THOUGHTS and in your HEART...
by: Anonymous
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