Close to my Heart

Why does it happen this way
so many emotions inside me
floating far and away

Someone I loved so dearly
Is always close to my heart
I can see you clearly
but our tie was torn apart

I will love you forever
even though our time is through
But I will always remember
the time I spent with you

Twice Dying

There's no sense of me staying here in the Philippines. I can see that she's really moved on and that she's happy with her life now. I know I've been talking too much of moving on already. I already told you, my avid reader [if I have one], that I will finally start moving on with my life with Caroline and our baby, Carole Gemina. But I just can't help myself from looking back at the once true love that I felt from her.

When Caroline and I talked about our situation, our relationship, I was completely honest with my feelings for her and Ching. ANd she knew that it would be hard for me to totally forget about Ching. SHe meant everything to me. But now, she's everything for another guy.

I wanted to talk to her, give her a surprise visit, the hell with his parents if they ask who am I, all I want to do is to talk to her and tell her all about my feelings.

But for the past few weeks since May, when I started camping round their house, I often see the two of them, so happy and in love, I can't help but envy Jek cause he's with her. He's happy with her.

Now, as I finally await my plane bound to HongKong for my connecting flight to Switzerland, I just can't help but think of her. But I must, really and with all honesty, start to move on. She already love him, I know cause I had just read her blog and it really hurts knowing your one true love found a new love from another. It really hurts to the point that I really don't know what to do or say. It took me awhile before I finally gathered my mind and start typing.

For those who wonders how hurt I am, try imagining yourself falling from a 10 storey high building but ending up alive. That's how painful I am feeling right now.

When I arrived at Lausanne, I must start moving on. Go on with my New life without Ching at my side and only with my fiance and daughter to think of. I already cause Caroline too much pain, that I now finally know after feeling the same with Ching, and I don't want to cause her more.

This might be my last post, cause this blog exist just to give way for my thoughts about my precious Dark Angel. But now, my Dark Angel found her new light.

Thunder and Lightning

Lightning is an atmospheric discharge of electricity accompanied by thunder, which typically occurs during thunderstorms, and sometimes during volcanic eruptions or dust storms.[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightning]

After a few weeks of severe heat, Rain, accompanied by thunderous and monster lightning, finally arrived here in the Bicol Reagion. It just feel so good to be back in the good old days of playing under the rain with my cousins. I enjoyed playing while being soaked by the rain.

Collection of Poem

Here are some poems i wrote last night. Can't believe I was able to write all of this in just an hour.

POEM 1:
A Hopeless Love

My tears are flowing
Your words are stinging
My souls in pain
My ears are ringing

I wanna die
I want to scream
This is a nightmare
No longer a dream

Your voice I long to hear
Your face I long to see
I only want your love
With you I long to be

But I know our love is hopeless
So my tears run down my face
I think of you every moment
But my heart is shattered all over the place.

The moon is no longer shining
Why don't you feel the same?
Its rays are quickly fading
My love will never change…

POEM 2:
I Don't Remember

I don't remember betraying you -
You act as if you lost a friend.
I don't wanna lose you -
I'll love you in Christ until the end.

I don't remember betraying you -
Please tell me what I've done.
I'm remembering all the memories -
And all the outrageous fun.

I don't remember betraying you -
I'm crying in despair.
I told you how much I respect you -
I've told you how much I care.

Don't treat me as a memory -
Fading into the blue.
In all honesty and sincerity -
I don't remember betraying you

POEM 3:
LOVING IN SILENCE

All the happy moments of ours are already gone
But only pain that was left in my heart.
I stopped myself from loving and
I stopped my life from moving.

But I was not that strong
Falling inLove with you
Though I know in your dreams
Its not me you're holding.

I tried to stop this feeling
But your memories keep lingering
I know that there's nothing a head of these
For all those things are merely illusions.

...So, I rather Love You in Silence..!!!!?

POEM 4:
Dark Life

Defeated, I walked through that path,
Where the place has a cold shaft,
This is not where I'm supposed to be,
Where I could set my spirits free.

How I wished that I coulld turn back the hands of time,
Like a full grown tree,
Just about as big as a seed,
I sighed to myself,
Where are my friends when I'm in need?
Sadly, I hid,
Inside the shadows I sleep.

The nights are not with stars and moon,
It is just like my feelings-sad and gloom,
I feel my body is tied to the guards of doom,
The pain sending me down to my crushed heart.

Every step I take,
I feel my neck would strain,
My body couldn't feel more worse with the terrible pain,
Couldn't anybody help me?
Can't anybody see?
All the overwhelmed feelings inside my heart?
It's driving me insane,
If this is the start,
I will fight hard,
I will hold on to my prayers,
Deep inside my thoughts.


POEM 5:
I Dream a Dream

Walking along a dusty road,
the night is dark and cold,
no stars in the sky,
no moon rising above me.

All alone with no one around,
no light ahead, no houses in the distance,
no one to take me from this awful place,
I walk alone on this fark path.

As i walk, the wind blows, and I dream,
I dream a dream of happiness,
A dream of light ahead, of a moon rising,
A dream of stars twinkling in the sky.

A dream of no hoplessness or pain,
lonelyness or uglyness
A dream od birds chirping in the morning
or cyotes howling at night.

I trip over a rock and fall,
and fall and fall and fall,
it feels like i'm falling forever,
into a bottemless pit, where pain lasts.

Until I hit the ground hard,
As i lie there i think,
Is there really such a place?
A place where no one abandons you?

A place where you can laugh,
whre you can sing and dance,
and just be happy.
Its a silly dream, theres no such thing.

For the rest of eternity I will walk,
walk alone on this dark cold road,
waiting, wondering if a car will come,
come and take me to that dream.

Di Lang Ikaw (It's not just you)

I've been looking for some songs and MYMP from the Philippines was first on my list.

MYMP, or Make Your Mama Proud, is an Acoustic Due from the Philippines and their music always reaches a spot in various countdowns.

But sadly, i just learned that the duo was disbanded and both has its own separate career now.

Juris, the vocalist of the duo released an album and one of her songs really got my attention.

Its about facing the pain of break-ups and losing the one you love. That its not just the other one who's in pain, but also the singer.

Just listen for my MP3 player cause I included it on my list.

Remove Connections

I removed my connections with them so I won't get any update.

She already moved on, and so should I!

Hope this can help!

Its a fact that I am Stubborn

I am stubborn! That what I know!

I know I am being hurt by his presence, and yet, here I am, trying to be cool but I know that I really look like a fool and a complete IDIOT!

DARN!

Why can't I just start to totally forget about her? Why can't I get her rid of my mind! I still have some sleepless nights thinking about her. There even came a time that I wanted to visit her school just for the hope of seeing her there, evengthough I know it would be impossible. At first I thought I can't resist the temptation of looking for her when I know I'm just a few kilometers away from Naga.

Now, here I am, so destraught after seeing their picture. It so freaking hurt and I didn't even noticed that I cried. Even upto now, tears still falling from my eyes. But I guess I cannot blame you. I cannot blame you to fall to someone else, after what I have done. After the pain and tears that I caused you. After breaking my promise. My promise to be your strength, your hope and to keep you faith when you think its starting to subside. My promise that you'll never be hurt anymore, that I'll give you my word, my heart. That I will take you in my arm and hold you tight and feel my love. BUt all of it I failed to fulfill.

I cannot blame you. I know, I have no right to blame you.

I know that I don't cause I know for a fact that I am stubborn!