tomorrow i'll be fine...

shoot me in the head tomorrow morning after i wake up. because if you don't, i know i will.

for using this as my entry's title that is.

i'm not exactly starting my year right as i told myself i would. and i say this for almost all aspects of my life. i'm halfway in in a lot of different things. and to think i'm only one whole and can be halved in only two places at a time. and yet it feels as though i'm juggling myself across several other things.

just so i remember, tonight, my heart sunk.

fucking emo as it can fucking get. but sometimes, i just have to say it out loud just to let it out of my system. tomorrow, i'll be perfectly fine. i decree it. it's just annoying how it's the same thing the second time around. i don't think i ever learn from my mistakes. story of my life. repeat the same mistakes. over and over again. it felt like burning my finger tips having to type that down. but yes. it's that mistake that's making a come back. although i do believe the rest of my life would pick up from here. that's how it normally goes. not every single cog can work perfectly. one has to go ape-shit somewhere. and now that this one has gone completely (excuse the lack of a more creative term) stupid, everything else is bound to be back to their better selves.

tomorrow i'll be fine...

p.s. I'm already married, but everything feels just the same...

Where are you now?

Calling out your name
Your face is everywhere
I'm reaching out to you
To find that you're not there

I wake up every night
To see the state I'm in
It's like an endless fight
I never seem to win

I can't go on as long as I believe
Can't let go when I keep wondering

Where are you now, what have you found
Where is your heart, when I'm not around
Where are you now, you gotta let me know
Oh baby, so I can let you go

I can hear your voice
The ring of yesterday
It seems so close to me
But yet so far away
I should let it out
To save what's left of me
And close the doors of doubt
Revive my dignity

:'(

update

We've spent our Chinese New Year in the Philippines like we always do. This time, I'm with Carole and JM, my Jaja's girlfriend.