Endless Night

I can see no paths that can lead me forward in the darkness with my lonely heart. In darkness without your heart near mine. The night can be so very long, when I can see no light from the sky. The more I look around, the more I become afraid, of the night that has yet to pass. Is there any other way to go? I know the sun will shine tomorrow. When we are in the new morning, I hope that we will find the way, or my heart will be in the endless night.

Of the night that has yet to pass, is there any other way to go? I know the sun will shine tomorrow. When we are in the new morning, I hope that we will find the way. When the sorrows of the yesterdays, come crashing on my lonely heart. The reason that I lost our love is because I neglected the needs of both our hearts. My suffering became an endless night, but it will soon come to pass. AS long as time goes by, so will my sorrow. Because the thought of our love means there is no endless night. When we are in the new morning, we'll find a way from this endless night.

two cents on optimism.

people need inspiration. that's what i think this world lacks.

inspiration doesn't solely pertain to romanticism and all that over-rated crap going around lately. if anything, that's a misnomer i'd like to deal with in a different entry. right now, all i'm saying is that people just need something to look forward to. something to work on. something to tell them that what they're doing or what they are is part of a greater and bigger and grander picture that we all have a stake in. that's the grand and boisterous idea. but on a more personal note, i think we all need to be inspirations to our own selves. vain. i know. if you think about it though, it makes perfect sense.

no one knows you better than you do. which makes it perfectly sensical to make yourself be something or someone that you'd like to be. confusing. very.

think about this. you have to tell yourself what you want to be. what you want to achieve. what will make you happy. you tell yourself this and you make it happen. how? you tell the whole world. announce. renounce. emphasize!

i've lately realized that we've all been tethered down by a crazy idea called settling. settling happens when we have expectations. good ones. good expectations. over the weeks, months, years, or decades, we familiarize and internalize these expectations. and in time - in good time - we reach it. and then we forget, there are better ones. i've recently told myself, never let the good things make you forget about the better things in life. and when you're in that stage where you tell yourself what you want, why would you want to like the good things when the better and the best things are up for the taking? at least as far as you hoping for it is concerned. aim high. work for it. and then see what happens!

knowing and aiming for the best is just one part of it. letting the whole world know about it plays a key role. if you have only yourself to answer to, there's much less at stake. raise the bar. make yourself the underdog. put up circumstances between you and what you want to achieve. set up walls. call them all out. and once the stage is set, you do your thing. you frazzle them with your utter brilliance and you realize, god damn it, i'm friggin' good at this! you shine the most in the darkest of times. and unless you make your stage pitch black, you won't make yourself shine the brightest.

air it out. voice it. optimism needs a voice to make things happen. enter the room at its darkest and then blow it away with how you'll make it work. all this made possible by making sure you aimed high first.

i know i'm not making sense right now. and i know i'm sounding like some optimistic hoot high on crack. but unless you say it out loud, you have nothing to work on.

i'll read this three years from now and i'll think, "good ryan, good. good you aired that one out."

:D

Status Update

after the break-up, umasa ako na itetext niya ko, na susuyuin niya ko, na magpaparamdam siya sakin, na makikipagbalikan siya sakin, naghintay ako na gawin niya yun, pero walang ganun na nangyari... MAHAL NA MAHAL KO SIYA, pero siguro nga hindi kami para sa isa't-isa, so, i really have to let go! though it hurts, i need to... i just wish the happiness for the both of us... and I WILL MOVE ON AND ENJOY AGAIN MY LIFE...

An ode to what will soon be the used-to-be me

feel an imminent death of self.

before that finally happens, i feel as though i owe it to myself to write a will. i need to remind myself of how i or life, for that matter, felt before the jump. i need to remember how i used to be before i take the leap into what i will now refer to as my self-imposed and self-beckoned doom of sorts.

no, i am not suicidal (nor will i ever be). i've been known, however, to get myself into dodgy situations i've uncannily gotten myself into. ridiculously complicated scenarios that have twisted itself inside out. yes, if a person got a stamp on the forehead every time he fucks his own life, i probably have a glaringly red forehead by now. it's not completely a bad thing, if you ask me. my insatiable desire for drama and irrational pull towards complicity bring me to moments like this. simplicity and boredom is death for me. and instead of subjecting myself to these, i'd rather die by my own rules. i'd rather drown myself with complications than lull myself to nullity.

i ask for things. scratch that. i beg for things. and knowing how life has an odd delayed sense of timing, everything seems to come all at the same time later on. and when boredom has trained you to rant and beg for something to do every single time, chances are, when the things you're asking for come, they'll pour. a fucking downpour. and before you know it, you're regretting every moment you begged for it. moderation is the key. but i never learned my way through life's keys.

okay. so it's gotten gruesome. my point is, i am seeing an impending death of my new found free-spirited, good-vibed self. and while i still can, i'll remind me of the things that have given me the chance to be the better me. better is, of course, questionable and relative. but knowing the self of two years ago i'm using as a reference, you'll most probably agree that better is a wise choice of word.

it's taken me a while to finally internalize an optimistic go-getting outlook in life. the world is for my taking, i always believe. it's that stage in life when you feel as though nothing is insurmountable. the world conspires when you tell it what must happen. and optimism needs a voice to make these things happen. for a while, the voice has been echoing loud and clear. it made things happen so much that i've rendered myself bored. now i have a chance to get things rolling once again. but at the expense of losing myself. my better-equipped, well-informed self. and before that happens, i'll take this chance to write down everything i'll be walking away from. all the gv-principles that have gotten me through every single day the past half year.

an ode to what will soon be the used-to-be me, if you may.

good and positive vibes attract good things to happen. the more you think about the worst case scenario, the more you're building yourself up for failure. harboring negative feelings bring you nothing more than exactly just that. thinking of how things can work can be so much more fulfilling than thinking of why it will not. it takes more unnecessary waste of emotion to figure out why it will not work.

know the goal. believe in the goal. announce the goal. then reach the goal! self-confidence is one motherfucker force to reckon with. and when you got this working to your advantage, in no time, you got yourself mobilized inch by inch closer to what you're working on. the secret is not to keep it a secret! when you take an indefinite amount of time on something not knowing what this will give you, you'll never find out what it really will! know it in the beginning and work towards it! walking towards point A and knowing where it is is better than finding out where point A is five years later. get what i mean?

don't let the good things stop you from getting to the better things. stopping now only gives you the benefits of today. but if you live for tomorrow, you'll get to the better things you didn't think existed. know little, get little. think big, achiever big. if you can't even dream of the bigger things, how can you even make the small things happen?

fear is not the absence of courage but the presence of a situation that beckons for courage. you're never too little for anything. you'll never get yourself in a situation that will be bigger than what you can ever handle. tough situations aren't thrown your way to cripple you and leave you disheartened. take it as a challenge to take every breath in and face the situation full force on. bigger shoes to fill in asks for growth. not for another person to fill them in.

someday is a dangerous word. it's like a code name to never. have an end in mind. it's easier than aimlessly walking to nowhere til god-knows-when.

remember these things ryan. remember them. you'll need it once across the fence.

tough luck. but good luck.